How to spot an urban vampire

Vampires have been a popular culture phenomenon ever since Bram Stoker knocked out ‘Dracula’ in 1897. We’ve seen vampires in many guises but today I give you the definitive guide to how to spot a modern day urban vampire. By some standards it’s quite easy but you have to know what to look for.

‘Bats for hair’ is the first thing. As we all know, vampires are naturally bald but over time they’ve convinced squadrons of undead bats to cling to their scalps in some semblance of a hairpiece. They tend to have a glamour (or spell) that makes the beasts look just like a well tousled head of hair but if you squint just right you can see the little blighters scrabbling over each other for purchase or occassionally flying off to snatch a nearby fly.

The fact that vampires tend to smoke hemlock cigarettes is another giveaway. With a smell more acrid than burning tyres one hit will kill you in an instant but that doesn’t stop them passing them over for a toke to anyone stupid enough to ask what it is.

Finally, vampires love bling. And not just any one old bling. They believe that ancient gold artifacts posess the power of civilisations now gone. And the mythical Golden Fleece is the most revered of the lot. Here he’s had it spun into an actual fleece so he’ll be able to pass as normal a bit more easily whilst out and about. So there you go. Now you now.

As with all the pieces I’ve been doing recently he’s a bit of mixed media magic featuring some spraypaint, crystal resin, dymo tape and whatever else I was using.

Cheers

id-iom

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