Surely this headline must be American? We don’t use coed over here do we? Anyway I’m not sure why this girl needs to advertise for such things but who am I to stand in the way of important research? I’ll volunteer to do my bit. All she really has to do is flash those eyes and she’d get pretty much the same result.
Like the rest of this sordid little lot these pictures have been reimagined from actual news headlines. I fill my head with this grubby nonsense so you don’t have to. Vive la revolution!
Title: Coed seeks lovers for sex survey
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, and charcoal
This piece had been hanging around unfinished for an unbelievably long time before I recently decided that enough was enough and that she was going to get finished whether I liked it or not. Usually this kind of tactic just won’t work and will probably send the artist into a tailspin. And that’s exactly what happened. I just sat there staring dumbly at it as empty thoughts drifted by lazily. In essence I was doing exactly what I was trying to prevent. The muse really is quite slippery when she wants to be.
Anyway this is where working in a partnership can come in handy. I decided if I couldn’t think of anything i’d see what the other half of id-iom had to say and, lo and behold, he had quite a lot to say on the matter. So, to cut a long story short I decided to do exactly what I was told and take the thinking out of it. And this is what you get. It’s got real buttons on it for goodness sake! Fab-u-lous!
Title: The Unabridged Soul Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, ink, charcoal, Tipp Ex and hand sewn buttons Size: A2
Tim’s life had started to unravel quickly. First there was the fact that he had lost his job due to mechanised improvements. He was the UK’s finest surgeon for God’s sake, although Tim didn’t believe in God. Soon after his wife left him for a dog walker called Mary.
The one thing he couldn’t understand was how he had lost his job to some spiffy AI android but Mary here still had her job walking the canines of London. The final nail in the coffin came when he was refused service at his favourite coffee shop near his house as they said they ‘no longer serve his type any more’. He wasn’t sure if that was tea drinkers or unemployed surgeons whose now lesbian ex-wife have dog walkers for a partner.
Tim decided it was time for some reflection on his circumstances. Not sure how best to achieve this he decided his best course of action would be to stare intently into a mirror until he reached enlightenment. Little did he know he would become one of the world’s best. Tim has now spent the majority of the last 7 years staring into the same mirror. Sadly he’s still not enlightened. What’s the moral of this story? Well, that’s for me to know and you to find out…
It is 70 x 70 cm in size and made using acrylic, spray paint, charcoal and a healthy scoop of imagination.
There are those who are blessed with the gift of beauty and there are those who have unfortunately been hit with the ugly stick. I hear you think ‘how very shallow for beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ and that is usually the case. But not always.
Nearly everyone who has had the misfortune of setting eyes upon this soul have come away from the experience in tatters. Expect psychological and emotional scarring for openers and just hope that it doesn’t get any worse than that. In the interests of full exposure I should really mention that it’s not just his looks which drain most people but also his unbearable personality. It has been said that he was once used to wake someone from a coma although how true this is I’m not sure. I can only imagine it’s a case of out of the frying pan and in to the fire with this situation though as once the poor victim is awake he’s fully aware he’s stuck in a room with this dolt…
Title: Some people call me pretty
Media: Acrylic, paint pen and charcoal
I think ‘Friend Zone’ should have some accompanying theme music. I imagine it would be some kind of weird 70’s disco affair but perhaps that’s just me. The lady in this piece was going to be used in a commission but (doh!) I didn’t read the brief properly and soon realised that it wouldn’t work.
That doesn’t mean she had to go to waste though. All it would take is a little love and attention and she would be good to go for something a little different. So i decided to change the sentiment from the commission piece and mix it up a little. The commission was to do with the moments before coupling whereas this piece shows the ramifications of what can happen after the deed is done. Unlucky pal, you’ve just been relegated to the Friend Zone…
Title: The Friend Zone
Media: Acrylic, charcoal and Tipp-Ex.
Size: 50 x 31cm
The phrase ‘I should coco’ originated in the 1930’s and means something along the lines of ‘I should think so’. The question in my mind is why this lovely lady is thinking just that. Has someone just made her a surprising offer that she just can’t turn down? I’d like to think so.
She looks a bit like she’s just stepped out of a 70’s sitcom so I’m thinking someone has just made her a bawdy (and probably somewhat sexist) offer and her response is ‘I should coco’ followed by peals of canned laughter. Well, that’s what I think and i’m sticking with it…
Title: I should coco
Materials: Acrylic, paint pen, glitter and charcoal
Do you usually start new projects in a whirl of positivity only to be confounded mere moments later by the nagging ache of negativity?
Do you enjoy putting off til tomorrow what you should probably get done today?
Would you generally prefer to be back in bed?
If you answered yes to any or all of these questions then our new range of demotivational pieces are ideal to give you that extra little nudge you need to justify to yourself whatever decision you’re about to make. It’s that simple! Anyone can use them!
Can be purchased this evening as part of UPfest’s 10th anniversary book launch. There will be a blind auction with art from 50 festival artists.
I decided that I wanted to produce something that looked like a vintage anti-Nazi propaganda poster for the Isle of Man and one of the perks of being an artist is coming up with some outlandish idea and then being allowed to bring it to reality regardless of any other factors – and today’s piece is a good case in point. I had just finished Ian Tregillis’ enjoyable alternate history book ‘Bitter Seeds’ about British warlocks fighting Nazi superheroes in WWII and thought to myself that Nazi bashing is pretty much encouraged in other media – books (like Bitter Seeds), computer games (like the Call of duty mini-game where you have to kill as many Nazi zombies as you can) and film (Inglourious Basterds springs to mind). So I thought I’d jump in on the action through the medium of art.
As the Laxey Wheel is one of the most iconic and easily recognisable of the island’s historic landmarks I thought it would be a good place to start. Throw in an improbably large evil Nazi owl descending from a darkening sky with it’s talons outstretched to snatch at the wheel and you’re off and running. Then all you need is some patriotic sounding text and you’ve got yourself some fake Manx propaganda c.1939. Right, what’s next?
Title: They will come… we must fight!
Materials: Screenprint, spraypaint, stencils, watercolour and paint pen
It is said that if you gaze at the sunset and squint just so you can see Mount Olympus – home to the entire pantheon of Greek gods. Trying to achieve this so called ‘Golden Squint’ has led many a scholar to his doom but this lady seems to have nailed it without really trying. I wonder what she can see up there?
Title: The Golden Squint
Media: Pencil, gold leaf, pastel and acrylic
How do you feel when you look at yourself in a mirror?
Jennifer here had been doing a triple shift at a local 24hr convenience store to try and get some extra cash in for Christmas when an incredibly handsome man walked in with the biggest pair of mirrored shades she had ever seen. The only thing she could do was to stare into the abyss that was her own reflection.
Jennifer suddenly realised that she hadn’t slept properly for at least 72 hours and, my god, did it show on her face! The customer with the mirror shades had seen this reaction many times before and tried to help her out of this downward spiral.
Quickly, before she could crumple to the floor and start crying, he started singing a melody so sweet and angelic that everyone in the shop stopped what they were doing and just listened.
As soon as the song had finished everyone in the shop came out of their reverie and realised that the man had already left. It was only then that Jennifer saw that he had left the exact change for his bottle of Lambrini. Here ends the lesson.
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