It’s funny how many advertising slogans can be applied to the murky world of drugs. For today’s instalment in a series we’re imaginatively calling ‘badvertising’ we’ve gone for Coke Zero and the classic ‘Taste the feeling’ tagline. We could have just have easily used ‘real Coke taste and zero calories’ but preferred the classic tagline as it’s a little more descriptive.
Anyway, today’s piece is on my current canvas of choice, namely wood, and using my current favoured technique of laser engraving. Plus, just a little bit of white paint pen just to accentuate the obvious. Drop us a line if you’re interested…
Tesco Value Profit Inflator – in store now!
Tesco Value Profit Inflator – bag label
Tesco Value Profit Inflator instructions
As if Tesco didn’t earn enough money to start with. I’d like to think that I’m not alone when I don’t even comprehend what exactly you have to do to misidentify profits to the tune of a quarter of a billion pounds but I think it’s some kind of masterclass that id-iom needs to be taking a part of. Anyway, we racked our brains to see if we could possibly imagine what kind of fantastic device you would use to achieve such extravagant imaginary profits and here is the kind of apparatus I envisaged they were using at Tesco HQ to pump those profits up like a balloon. Like it says on the packaging:
“Please remember that overinflated profits can lead to the auditors being called in. People may get sacked and your business may be at risk”
You have been warned. Please use responsibly.
Tesco’s full fat Bantha milk
If you’ve ever wondered what happens when id-iom have a little time on their hands then look no further. We’re very pleased to announce our latest video collaboration. We’ve partnered with infamous intergalactic chef and sometime bounty hunter Bhuna Fett to produce this ‘Cooking with Bhuna Fett’ infomercial on behalf of Tesco’s and their new range of Bantha Milk.
We had to do an incredible amount of wrangling to get Bhuna Fett to agree to feature in our video. The amount of brown envelopes stuffed with galactic standard credits was incredible but then again what do you expect from a part time bounty hunter. After we’d paid Bhuna off we only had a 30 mins window in order to get all the footage we needed as he had some other urgent business to take care of.
So here it is. What you didn’t know you’d been waiting for…
There I was having a flick through today’s print copy of Time Out and what do I find at the bottom of one of the first pages you come across? This little beauty. A nice little feature on some of the pop culture based subversions that we’ve been depositing in our local shops. Surely that means fame and fortune will be knocking on our door some time soon. Oh wait, who’s that ringing my bell….
No, it was just the neighbour demanding I turn the music down. I could barely hear him shouting over the smooth sounds of Nana Mouskouri. He really needs to calm down a bit.
Tesco’s Finest ‘spice’ Melange – in store now!
Tesco’s Finest ‘spice’ Melange label
If you’ve ever seen David Lynch’s 1984 film Dune (based on Frank Herbert’s 1965 novel of the same name) then you probably already know what Melange ‘spice’ is. In the film it’s a drug that has some particularly useful effects and one big downside. It gives the user a longer life span, greater vitaility, heightened awareness and psychic powers. Which is handy as it makes safe and accurate interstellar travel possible. The downside however is that it is addictive and withdrawal is fatal. All this has conspired to make it the most valuable commodity in the universe.
Never one to miss a trick Tesco’s have made a couple of intergalactic deals and got their hands on some of the good stuff. It’s harvested by hand on the desert planet Arrakis from the excretions of the highly dangerous giant sandworm. Tesco’s then ship it to earth and package it up in their Finest range for just under £100 for 4g. A bargain to be sure. Get it while it lasts…
With the modest success of a few of our supermarket subversions recently my brain seems to have jumped onto the whole fake ad/culture jamming bandwagon and now it seems I can’t go to the shop without coming up with some new form of contrived nonsense. And today’s offering is a pretty good case in point.
A long time ago in a galaxy far away I was strutting the aisles of my local supermarket trying to locate something they undoubtedly didn’t have when my eye chances upon the full fat milk with the blue lid. And that was all I needed to connect blue and milk and come up with the blue milk from Star Wars called bantha milk. We even see Luke Skywalker pour himself a glass in Star Wars whilst he’s living with his aunt and uncle at their moisture farm in Tatooine.
That was all I needed in the way of a plan so went home and set to work. A couple of parsecs later and I had my label good to go – complete with interview with their sand person dairy farmer on Tatooine. All that was then required was a bottle of milk, some blue food dye and a fake price label and I was good to go.
I can already see the print and TV advertising that would go alongside this new miracle food with a tag line along the lines of “With a few glasses of semi-skimmed bantha in you a day you’ll be strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark in no time.” In fact, that’s given me an idea…
Living in a world where everybody hears but nobody’s listening – on tube
One of the contradictions of living in today’s frenetically paced, socially connected world is that there are so many effective means to make yourself heard and so many millions of potential people to hear it that it’s hard to believe your profound statements regarding your dinner or the customer service department of whatever business you’re dealing with won’t be the talk of the nation. But they won’t. Unless you’re a celebrity however, then the opposite holds true and any crumb of information, no matter how trivial, is devoured like manna from heaven and shared around other eager acolytes. But you’re never going to reach those heady heights.
Instead, you will be resolutely ignored. Which is why I thought the humble house cat was a good graphical representation of this. It can surely hear you (unless it’s deaf) but will pay scant attention unless there’s an offer of food on the table. Quite what i’m trying to say here is not entirely clear, even to me, but I’ll leave it all in your capable hands to decipher…
As an aside we really took this one next level as we didn’t even put it on the tube ourselves. This was deposited by one of our street team. You know you’ve made it when you don’t even have to do it yourself. Cheers Leander!