id-iom’s top album challenge (imaginary edition)

We have accepted a challenge to post ten imaginary albums that we love – one album per post, no explanations, no reviews – just covers.

Let’s promote the love of imaginary music.

Advertisement

Trump Medical – Injectable Bleach

FINALLY! After days of waiting it’s finally arrived. My official bottle of Trump Medical Injectable Bleach! You know it’s good when it features one of my favourite quotes from the big man himself “I’m not a doctor but i’m like a person that has good ‘you know what” We know you do big fella. Trust us, we know. 

In just the days it’s taken to move from unsubstantiated claim into production they’ve even managed to cram in ‘added heat and light’ and we all know that can only be a good thing when combatting viruses. It even works in under a New York minute. Now that’s speedy. Where’s my hypodermic? If you want to use it after just let me know…

Cheers

id-iom

Afrofunk album of the year?

You’ll be glad to know I prevailed in the mexican standoff with Patrick here. His phone rang. I signalled with my eyes that it would be cool to take the call. He wandered off to take said call and I struck. Hitting the wall with what I imagined to be the cover of Patrick’s newest imaginary Afrofunk single. Straight from the mean streets of Mombasa and fresh from his new collaboration album with Seun Kuti and Staff Benda Bilili. You’ll also be glad to hear it’s shooting up the imaginary Afrofunk charts as I write. Life can be sweet, even in these dark times…

Cheers

id-iom 

My corona

Bored of waiting for coronavirus to come to you? Well now you don’t have to. Corona have bowed to the inevitable and teamed up with the world renowned creators of Covid 19 to bring you this zesty and infectious small batch artisanal version of their classic brew. Great for 14 day mini breaks at home or abroad.

I’ve been trying to resist the obvious Corona label update but temptation finally got the better of me. C’mon ‘zesty notes which are enhanced by adding a wedge of lime.’ is just not going to cut it with today’s hyper paranoid world view where the beer Corona has somehow been inextricably linked to a global pandemic. So i’ve fixed that at least.

Cheers

id-iom

Corona virus world tour 2020

The news has a lot to answer for. Usually I’ll wake up with a random song playing in my mind. Yesterday however I woke up from a dream where I was tour manager for Covid 19 and was setting up their world tour alongside Corona Virus. Being the imaginary hard metal bands that they are we needed some appropriate imagery so rather than do anything constructive with my day I did a quick internet search to check no such frippery already existed then set to work designing their poster. 

Weirdly, it turns out that most world tour posters seem to have a dark background with white text but that was definitely the look Covid 19 would go for. Once I’d put the poster together I thought the Muse would be done with me but, no, it was time to move onto merch design. After slapping the various logos onto a t shirt template I was finally allowed to stop. And this is what we’re left with. Being an artist is weird. 

Cheers

id-iom

Blue WKD

Bored of breakfast beer? Why not mix things up a bit with some delicious and zingy Blue WKD. Made from the tears of aging ravers distilled with the finest sugar, raw spirit and extract of Smurf. Great as a breakfast beverage with Soviet era jazz. Try it yourself… 

To my surprise there was no supermarket description on the Blue WKD label. They’ll do it for some pretentious craft beer though. How frightfully rude. Allow me to assist. 

Cheers

id-iom

The future is bright…

There I was, minding my own business whilst reading through the news when I must have read something about Trump standing for re-election because the next thing I know I have this image flashing unbidden into my mind. Tiny hands included. Rather than try to understand or reason with these thoughts I’ve found it easier to just make it so in an attempt to exorcise such egregious ideas. I should probably get back to some real work…

Cheers

id-iom

An ode to Crystal Palace

If you’ve not been to Crystal Palace Park and seen the dinosaurs then I highly recommend doing so. They’re concrete, life-size and in need of some restoration. By modern standards I guess they’re not that impressive but when you consider they were made 150 years ago – before they even really knew what most of these dinosaurs actually looked like – then I think that makes them all the more impressive. There’s even little information boards showing what we now reckon the animals really looked like and I love they fact they took some pretty dramatic artistic liberties. 

The park itself is named after the famed Crystal Palace that housed the Great Exhibition of 1851 in Hyde Park before being dismantled and reconstructed in South London where it sat from 1854 until it was destroyed by fire in 1936. The area is also famous for it’s TV transmitter which, at 219 metres, is the fourth tallest structure in London. The park also features in ‘The Italian Job’ in the scene filmed at the athletics track in Crystal Palace sports centre where Michael Caine says “You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!”. So there you have it. An ode to Crystal Palace.

Cheers

id-iom

The House of Requirements

There is a house in New Orleans they call the Rising Sun. But that’s not important right now. What is important is the ‘House of Requirements’. It has the ability to produce whatever it is you’re looking for whenever you need it but the key is knowing where to look. Literally anything may be found. The list of potential objects is effectively infinite. All that is required is a rich desire to find said object. In the case of failure it just means you haven’t looked hard enough. A workable solution always presents itself. It’s weird but it’s true. I know because I live there. Sometimes.

All this from some weird desire to produce something to respect the actual building that provided a roof over my head for so many years. And there you have it. It’s odd being an artist sometimes…

Cheers

id-iom

Dead Pony Club

There I was, minding my own business, whilst perusing the aisles of my local supermarket. I happened to glance at a bottle of Dead Pony Club by Brewdog and realised the supermarket description (‘Pale Ale 3.8% is brewed with a solid malt base’ – blah, blah, blah) did no favours to a drink with such a name. I decided to use my overactive imagination as a guide to remedy this with a description a bit more fitting…

If this was an 80’s film this would now be the montage section where I scan, find fonts, use my computer and finally print out the finished product. We’d then segue back to me walking up the street about to complete my mission with the supermarket insertion of my replacement label. Cue credits. 

Cheers

id-iom