Category Archives: funny

Glen Fandango – The Wild One

Doesn’t everyone enjoy design book covers for their fictional book featuring none other than hard drinking human/goat hybrid biker Glen Fandango? Here’s the only excerpt I’ve actually written from ‘The Wild One’:

In the silence that blossomed you could have heard a pin drop. No one knew quite what to say. It wasn’t so much that they couldn’t comprehend the words more that they were agog at the person who was presenting them. Glen Fandango stood a shade over 7ft tall (including his horns) and was dressed in the leathers of a now defunct biker gang. He glanced round the puzzled faces and repeated his question ‘Can I get a beer please?’ The lady behind the bar was the first to gather her wits and she pivoted towards the beer tap with a glass in her hand without either taking her eyes off him or saying a word.

As he waited for the beer he casually surveyed the other people in the bar before adding ‘I’m also looking for a bit of information. Does anybody here know an Alice Gerhardt?’ With that pronouncement the temperature in the room dropped a further few degrees as it would seem he had struck a nerve. Perfect, that was just what he wanted. Glen smiled. Not that you’d know it though as his goat face was largely inscrutable to the average person. It would seem that he was in the right place after all.

Glen had not had an easy life but it’s not all been his fault. Ever since his ‘father’ rescued him from a government lab in North Korea and escaped across the border to the south with the infant in his arms people have been pointing and whispering. A small measure of fame followed his arrival in Seoul and within a few years they had been invited to the USA to start a new life.

As a young kid, whilst his father continued his work in genetics for the US Department of Defense, he was relentlessly teased until his tormentors learned the hard way that the horns on his head weren’t just for decoration. This, in turn, led to an early involvement with the police. It’s one of the few relationships he’s managed to successfully maintain over the years. By the time his father died he was an angry young man with a chip on his shoulder and the face of a goat.  The next decade was an epic spiral of booze, bikes and bad decisions. It was only after hitting rock bottom that he managed to come to terms with himself and emerge, not entirely unscathed, on the other side. Nowadays he’s (more or less) working on the side of the angels and if you can find him and convince him your case is worthy he is, without doubt, the best manhunter on the planet…

And that’s what I’ve got. Along with my carefully designed biker patch for his now defunct biker gang and his likeness sprayed on the side of an abandoned van. You can make the rest up yourself… 

Cheers

id-iom

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The Lion’s Den

Goldbeard does not look happy at being erased…

The year is 1981. The place is the newly opened Lion’s Den club in Miami’s South Beach. Our time-travelling warrior poet Azrael Goldbeard is taking some well earned time off in the early 80’s as he fancied a bit of some sun and some disco dancing. Although lesser known than it’s New York counterpart, Studio 54, the Lion’s Den is very much along the same lines. Debauchery is the name of the game and Goldbeard is very much enjoying his time here. He’s currently thinking about nipping back to 77 and see what all the fuss was about. It’ll be a while until he’s back in grim and grimy 2019…

Cheers

id-iom

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Blue in the face

Last time we met time-travelling warrior poet Azrael Goldbeard he was in his undercover human form sometime in the 1970’s but since then he’s mistakenly jumped to 2019 Brexit Britain and it has got him well and truly wound up. He’s not thinking of a spiffy haiku now but has reverted to his powered up warrior form as he can sense the awesome amount of negative energy all around him. 

His beard is now composed of pure energy and his eyes are literally leaking the power of a dwarf star. We can only hope he decides to put this energy to good use rather than taking off and nuking the entire site from orbit and hightailing it back to the 70’s. I, for one, welcome our new galactic overlords…

Love

id-iom

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I Grow & I Rejoice – hot foil

Legend has it that shortly after Crawley was made a borough in 1974 the newly anointed mayor was presented with a modified coat of arms and a piece of art – both bearing Crawley’s motto ‘I grow and I rejoice’ (which, as I’m sure we all know is a translation of a phrase from the Epistulae of Seneca the Younger). The coat of arms has always been on display at the Town Hall whilst the art disappeared shortly after it’s initial presentation in somewhat murky circumstances during a drunken pub fight.

After investing a significant amount of time and effort in research and archaeology id-iom is proud to announce the recovery of this historically important document. It was discovered stuffed down the back seat of a decaying Ford Cortina. The people of Crawley can now rejoice however as the the art will soon be reunited with the coat of arms and the prophecy that has long been foretold may now come to pass.

If you’ve wanted an id-iom piece but didn’t have the dollar then worry no further. We’re doing a little edition of A4 hot foil prints for £15 unframed (+ postage). Drop us a line if you’re interested in ‘I Grow and I Rejoice’.

Cheers

id-iom

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My first poledancing lesson

The stigma against male pole dancing is a real and worrisome fact for all those involved. That’s why instead of hiring out dance studios it has now moved into a thriving underground scene where they meet at secret locations in various cities throughout the world for clandestine dance offs.

I didn’t actually get to see any action as it was the middle of the day when I took this photo but I now know what I’m doing next Friday…

Love

id-iom
#poledancing #lessons #midnight #graffiti #stencil #urban #art #danceoff #streetart #london #friday

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It’s never too late – hot foil

Are you slowly spinning in a downward spiral of apathy? Do you enjoy putting off til tomorrow what you should probably get done today? Would you generally prefer to be back in bed? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions then we have just the product for you! id-iom’s new range of demotivational pieces are ideal to give you that extra little nudge you need to justify to yourself whatever decision you’re about to make. It’s that simple! Anyone can use them!

If you’ve wanted an id-iom piece but didn’t have the dollar then worry no further. We’re doing a little edition of A4 hot foil prints for £15 unframed (+ postage). I completely understand if you can’t be bothered today though…

Cheers

id-iom

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Celebrity Quote – Chris Martin

It’s been a long while since we’ve delved into the murky world of celebrity quotes. Today we’ve got Coldplay front man Chris Martin with, what I think we can all agree, is a pretty odd quote. 

It  both shows his awareness of his popularity with a certain segment of the population whilst simultaneously showing disdain for the other part of the population that would like to shake him by the hand – assumably for bringing his music to the world rather than because they have a taser concealed in their palm. Gloves or helmet? What a modern dilemma. Who knows? If I were you Chris I’d go belt and braces and wear them both…

Love

id-iom

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