When Becky was little all she wanted to do was follow her father in the family business and become an award-winning pastry chef. He taught her all he knew but then puberty changed everything.
Amongst other changes her hands warmed up to such a degree that they could become smoking hot if she got at all excited. You can imagine what that meant for her pastry career. She could cremate a croissant before it could be wrapped. Now she can’t even work indoors for fears of health & safety claims against her for second-hand smoke.
What is the moral of this story I hear you ask. Well, that’s for me to know and you to find out. She’s A3 and made using the magic of the imagination, pencil, acrylic and smoke. Drop us a line if interested.
The years had passed slowly since the dark times at the Feast of McDonald’s. The war with the gulls was now over – with untold casualties on both sides – but the realm as a whole had survived and had now seen peace for a good while under his rule. Seismic changes were already in motion though as the King of the Corvidae had cawed for the very last time. The gears of war were turning once more. The corvidae needed to appoint a new king who could shoulder the mighty burden set before him.
For most the only real potential successor was Belasko. He had proved his mettle many times before both in battle and in diplomacy but he was getting on a little in age. The majority of his potential subjects didn’t really consider this a problem but he was deeply worried about his suitability for the role. He was a soldier, not a leader, as he kept telling himself and the many worried councillors that were scurrying around him but the more he brought this point up the more everyone got excited.
He knew in his heart that the Corvidae required another type of leader, one that was not drenched in blood and tied to the past like himself. At the same time he realised the tide of history may just carry him along regardless. This would require some machavellian dexterity he wasn’t sure he still possessed. He would certainly have to ruffle some feathers and didn’t have much time to lose but he had been in this game long enough to know that if he played his cards just right he might just be able to select the right bird for the job…
If you like this then you’ll be glad to know we’ve got previous in the world of crow related art. It is, in fact, a sequel to an earlier piece called King of the Corvidae.
Title: As the crow dies
Media: Ink, acrylic and paint pen
Some people say soul music drips with emotion but with this lady it is in fact her actual soul that’s slowly dripping away. She’s currently happy with that as well for she doesn’t really seem to care about normal life much any more, if at all. All that interests her now are things like dubious liaisons with pretty men, driving fast cars at breakneck speeds, getting her daily recommended intake of water through vodka and taking enough drugs to take down a fully grown elephant and its calf. And somehow she does all this with a wink and a smile.
To some she’s killing herself and to others she’s living her life to the full. Either way I hope she’ll grow out of it soon because i’m pretty sure it doesn’t have a happy ending…
Title: Let it drip from my soul
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, pencil and charcoal
What can you say about Mr Tommy Funstuff that hasn’t been said before in a million sordid tabloid stories from here to Timbuktu? That he stole the family jewels of the New Hampshire’s Montague Smythe’s only to give them back as a birthday present the very next day, that he’s the only man to circumvent the globe in a paper aeroplane, that he swam across the Atlantic with nothing but one broken flipper and a tobacco pipe filled with newspaper and, of course, that he is in the Guinness book of records as the man with the most amount of thimbles for pygmy marmosets but alas you’ll have heard of all of these exploits many of times before.
Perhaps though by painting this picture of Tommy i can create a new story and get Tommy to help me fulfil my quest to ski across the back of an inflatable orange whilst simultaneously juggling a trio of miniature schnauzers dressed as business men. I certainly know It’s something within his sphere of expertise. Here’s to hoping…
The inspiration for this picture comes from a conversation I recently overheard in the pub. One of the participants in the conversation was waxing lyrical about beautiful women he had met during his life and how as soon as he met them he had love in his heart (although he didn’t put it quite so delicately).
Somehow this got my attention and after percolating in my head for a while it was time to put paint to paper. Thinking about it I’m not sure how the conversation ended but judging by his company in the pub I’m doubtful of whether he’s got one of these beautiful women to go home to…
Title: I find you with love in my heart
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, pencil and charcoal
Do you know what happens when you try and hide your baby teeth from the tooth fairy? Nothing good that is for sure. Most people think of the tooth fairy as a benevolent entity helping kids with a little pocket money in exchange for their small and useless baby teeth but it turns out that just isn’t the case.
A friend’s little girl had just lost one of her teeth and her mum told her to put it under her pillow for the tooth fairy – but the child was having none of it. Her first question was to wonder why the fairy wanted her teeth which the mother couldn’t rightly answer. Her second question was how much could she expect to get for her tooth on the open market (she’s a precocious child) which her mother also couldn’t truthfully answer but lied and said ‘Hmmm, what do children normally get? About £3.70 i’d say.’ ‘Never’ the child replied ‘I have ten times that amount in my piggy bank and this tooth is a part of me, the money will not sway me!
So, that night, while the child is asleep the tooth fairy visits but can’t find the tooth under the pillow. After silently ransacking the room she finds it in the child’s piggy bank and vows silent vengeance on the mother for not teaching her child the correct way of doing things and wasting her valuable time. So she sneaks into the parent’s room and steals a tooth straight from their mouths while they slept. Here ends the lesson.
Believe it or not this picture features some real human teeth which was just part of the haul we got in our weird but wonderful christmas gift of a box full of teeth.
I think I can speak for a large proportion of men in saying that finding the perfect female animal is pretty high up there on the list of reasons for marriage. Although, saying that, marriage is hardly the inviolable institution it used to be. Anyway, I digress… Just take a look at this beauty. She be smart, willing, eager and easily pleased. What more could a man want? I’m sure there’s numerous wisecracks I could insert at this point but I’m going to be the bigger man and just let it lie.
This picture have been reimagined from an actual news headline. I fill my head with this grubby nonsense so you don’t have to. Vive la revolution! Cheers