Coming up with a child’s name can be a tricky business. You’ve got to get it right as they’re stuck with it for life. John had been struggling with this process for months whilst his wife insisted, increasingly loudly, that he better come up with something really good if he’s taking this long. One popular method for naming babies in celebrity circles is the ‘Name child after where it was conceived’ method which is really quite self explanatory so John thought he’d head down this path.
After performing the necessary mental arithmetic and referring to the calendar on his phone John worked out it had probably been whilst they had been on a short break to the Isle of Man. There was a particular afternoon picnic which he thinks may have been the culprit. It all escalated a little quickly and could probably have got them arrested but was fun nonetheless.
He was still remininscing when a nurse popped her head into the waiting area and told him to get straight to the delivery room. As he entered the room his daughter was just making an appearance and the name he was searching for jumped straight into his head. ‘Scarlett!’ he shouted. It was lucky she turned out to have red hair…
With a touch of the devil in her eyes, this lady is an inhuman force to be reckoned with. She can give just a side glance at any unsuspecting passerby and they will be under her spell, never seemingly to properly return to the land of the living ever again.
All they seem to be able to do with themselves is sing on the chorus to The Trammps 1976 hit ‘Disco Inferno’ on constant repeat. Now not that I dislike the song but when you’re walking around in your local neighbourhood going about your daily life it can get quite tiresome when nearly every passerby is belting it out at the top of their voice and it doesn’t help when they all sound like a gang of drunk cats about to jump in to a swimming pool. I may need to do something about all this…
Cheers
id-iom
Hmmmm….. What does a gritty urban art duo do for a one year old’s birthday present? Well, after worrying for a while about exactly what you can and can’t do for a baby this is the end result. There was a lot of time spent thinking about whether we were doing something kid friendly or something that maybe he’d appreciate when he’s older and finally settled on this after finding a piece of glass to work on in the studio that seemed to provide some inspiration.
With a name like Jude it was hard to avoid the Beatles reference so we decided to get the opening notes from ‘Hey Jude’ on there along with his name and a little monkey logo (they’re all cheeky little monkeys aren’t they?) Cutting musical notes correctly at a small size however is probably not something I’ll be doing again. The main thing about painting on the back of the glass is remembering that everything has to be done in reverse – which can sometimes be a little frustrating as you can’t change things after you’ve done them if you have some mid piece brainwave. Oh well, there’s always next time…
Bemoaning the lack of affordable local child care seems to be something of a popular pastime for many of the young mums I know so I’m glad to see that the local council has decided to do something about it. They’ve had a multi-departmental brainstorming session and the self service child minder units are their experimental outcome. Simply deposit your child in one of the marked units and then retrieve them after work. It’s as simple as that. And it’s free. Although it should be noted that overnight stays are prohibited. I, for one, applaud this brave new move in domestic frugality…
As I’m sure we all know the immortal line “I love big butts and I cannot lie” was sang by Sir Mix-A-Lot in his seminal 1992 hit ‘Baby got back’. With an appreciation of these lyrics and a deep understanding of his poetic intent I have gone on to create this homage to Mr Lot’s paean of decency and good taste. In other words I have been let loose on the internet again and this is a somewhat sordid production that I have compiled after spending too much time watching early 90’s hip hop video’s. Just one glance into the ‘big booty’ file on my computer is enough to make grown men weep so be glad I’ve stopped at just one big blue butt (for now)…
And, on a somewhat similar note you should beware my flourescent interpretation of the Wu Tang Clan’s ‘Gravel Pit’. That is probably one step too far…
So, our good friends put a picture of their new baby girl up on Facebook with a caption along the lines of ‘finally our little eskimo has arrived’. A few people thought that she was actually named Eskimo and much hilarity ensued (most of it along the lines of ‘have you really thought this through? Won’t she get grief at school?’).
At this point the muse demanded that I create a little Eskimo themed piece for them using one of their pictures of her as the basis. After some design and a bit of computer jiggery-pokery we have a little Eskimo girl outside her igloo on the frozen snowscape waiting patiently for her parents to come back with some tasty seal or arctic fox for her lunch. Now they just need to get it printed and framed and they have a nice memento of their first baby related internet gaffe. Oh how they’ll laugh in years to come…
edit: Since doing a little research after writing the post it would seem that perhaps Eskimo is a perjorative word. So, apologies to any Inuit-Yupik’s out there but the story just wouldn’t be the same if I changed it…
There’s no need to worry about this little cry baby, as he’s actually a fully grown man who has a penchant for acting like a snivelling little child. All he ever seems to do is whine and moan about just everything and everyone he comes in contact with. He asked me to paint his portrait which was going to end up being a gift for his girlfriend but even before he sat down he was in tears about some rubbish like the chair being too cold.
This went on for hours with him constantly moving and complaining, so i just started to doodle. He then really got on my nerves by asking how it was going with the picture and that’s when i lost it. I jumped up at him, paintbrush in hand, and just started slapping paint all over his face. Before i knew it I was pressing his face down on the paper and screaming obscenities at him. After I’d calmed down and let him go, he lifted his head to reveal this picture which we both liked. I liked it so much I decided not to give him the picture but instead drew a crappy left handed portrait akin to a 5 year old’s effort and threw him out of the studio. I’m sure there must be a lesson in there somewhere but I’ve got no clue as to what it may be…
Cheers
id-iom
Title: Boo Hoo
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, pencil, pastel and charcoal
Size: A2
Please email if interested
With a touch of the devil in her eyes, this lady is an inhuman force to be reckoned with. She can give just a side glance at any unsuspecting passerby and they will be under her spell, never seemingly to properly return to the land of the living ever again.
All they seem to be able to do with themselves is sing on the chorus to The Trammps 1976 hit ‘Disco Inferno’ on constant repeat. Now not that I dislike the song but when you’re walking around in your local neighbourhood going about your daily life it can get quite tiresome when nearly every passerby is belting it out at the top of their voice and it doesn’t help when they all sound like a gang of drunk cats about to jump in to a swimming pool. I may need to do something about all this…
Cheers
id-iom
thisisidiom.wordpress.com 
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