Tag Archives: beard

The Lion’s Den

Goldbeard does not look happy at being erased…

The year is 1981. The place is the newly opened Lion’s Den club in Miami’s South Beach. Our time-travelling warrior poet Azrael Goldbeard is taking some well earned time off in the early 80’s as he fancied a bit of some sun and some disco dancing. Although lesser known than it’s New York counterpart, Studio 54, the Lion’s Den is very much along the same lines. Debauchery is the name of the game and Goldbeard is very much enjoying his time here. He’s currently thinking about nipping back to 77 and see what all the fuss was about. It’ll be a while until he’s back in grim and grimy 2019…



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Blue in the face

Last time we met time-travelling warrior poet Azrael Goldbeard he was in his undercover human form sometime in the 1970’s but since then he’s mistakenly jumped to 2019 Brexit Britain and it has got him well and truly wound up. He’s not thinking of a spiffy haiku now but has reverted to his powered up warrior form as he can sense the awesome amount of negative energy all around him. 

His beard is now composed of pure energy and his eyes are literally leaking the power of a dwarf star. We can only hope he decides to put this energy to good use rather than taking off and nuking the entire site from orbit and hightailing it back to the 70’s. I, for one, welcome our new galactic overlords…



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The Band in Hand

With some new soundproofing being constructed to go over the windows in the back room of our local boozer they needed us to add a touch of id-iom design magic so it would also function as a sign to let people know a band night was on and which way the entrance is (it’s an old pub so has 3 possible entrances – only one of which actually opens). A couple of design variations later and we were left with the bearded hipster style guy staring imperiously at you along with a couple of Band in Hand logo’s and the yellow and white arrows. It’s pretty clean and straight forward all things considered. I think I need to go and make a proper mess somewhere now…



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Hexabeard 5000

The Hexabeard 5000 experimental beard serum had some side effects…

Lining up the painted beam with his head proved trickier than anticipated…

Sometimes when you take an experimental beard serum weird things are going to happen. Gary here used to have a scraggly teenager’s bumfluff beard at the ripe old age of 32 and he wasn’t a happy chap. He had long yearned for a thick luscious hipster’s beard like his best friend Fitz and intended, somehow, to get one. He’d tried all sorts of so called remedies – from rubbing his face with peanut butter to shaving every 20 minutes in an attempt to force growth, all to no avail. His prayers would be answered soon enough however.

In desperation, after a late night’s internetting, he clicked on a link to a somewhat shady company that sold research chemicals and promptly parted with a week’s wages for a course of the unproven and experimental Hexabeard 5000. With the instructions being in Chinese he did the best he could when his package arrived and did all the pills over the course of a week. The following Monday new growth could definitely be seen and within a few days he had a full beard. He was over the moon. Then the coloured hexagons started appearing, web-like growth would materialise overnight and his eyes started to change.

At first he was scared but it quickly made him the coolest hipster in town. Unfortunately this was only for about 2 weeks until a 7 year old with a 2ft long bushy beard came along and blew all the competition away. The moral of the story? Well, like life you’ll just have to work it out for yourself…



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The Greenbeard Effect (id-iom @ Upfest 2015)

The Greenbeard Effect (id-iom @UPfest 2015)

Given our proclivity for leaving things to the last minute we were having a brainstorm in the pub on Tuesday for UPfest ideas when we somehow alighted on the idea of pirates as the infamous Blackbeard was allegedly from Bristol. It was a good start but we needed more. We then moved on to Bluebeard (not actually a pirate but an aristocratic murderer from a French fairy tale), then to Redbeard (a pirate plying his trade in the Mediterranean) and finally Greenbeard.

As it turns out there was no such pirate as Greenbeard but we did find out about ‘The Green-beard Effect‘. Which, to paraphrase something that sounds quite complicated when you read up on it, is that people like other people who share observable physical traits like blue eyes or, as in the name of the effect, a hypothetical green beard. With that as a vague plan we then came up with the idea of adding some actual greenery to give him a true green beard and an idea was born.  A quick word with our trusty gardener friend John to secure some foliage later and the whole thing was a go!

Panorama shot of our side of the yard at UPfest 2015.

The original design which I’m only showing for completion’s sake as we didn’t have enough space to get the lettering in.

Cue some feverish design, the standard bickering over the final design and then some swift preparation and hey presto! We’re ready for another road trip. After a good night’s sleep (thanks to Jo & Al for putting us up!) we were down the Tobacco Factory fed, watered and ready to go by 10.30am. It was all going smoothly. Too smoothly. Something had to go wrong. And sure enough we had 10ft less space than we were expecting. Hmmm… What to do? We eventually decided on ditching the ‘Sexual Altruism’ lettering as it was too big. That was a shame but needs must and we went with just the two heads staring at each other to maximise the space to apply the green beard to. After the rain on Friday and the rain on Sunday it turned out that Saturday was a bastion of sunshine and we even have the cheap trucker tans to prove it.

As we were painting a few people asked if it was white Obama that we were painting. Not only would that be a strange concept to begin with he doesn’t have a beard and id-iom doesn’t really do political. Perhaps we should think again. Once we’d just about finished we whacked some LED’s in the eyes and some reflective paint as their laser like stare. I’d love to see if anyone manages to get a decent night shot…

As ever UPfest was a great day out and it’s always nice to put names to faces and chat to all and sundry. Thanks to the UPfest team for having us and Jake in particular for dealing with our whinging.

I think we found us a doppelganger!



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