In love as in death

Skull with lillies, acrylic paint on A3 paper, available on Big Cartel

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Fool’s Errand

A fool’s errand is a task or activity that has no hope of success. A fool is a person who acts unwisely or imprudently; a silly person or a jester or clown, especially one retained in a royal or noble household.

Isot Maddrell wasn’t entirely sure if it was just her or if everybody got treated like this. She was fresh out of school and had only had a few small jobs but it seemed to happen every time. 

When she was working part time at the pizzeria her boss would send her to the fridge to look for things that didn’t exist, like the dough repair kit, then burst out laughing when she’d come back empty handed. When her dad managed to wangle her a junior role in a very well known Michelin starred restaurant the head chef there delighted in asking her to fetch the souffle pump. In all fairness Isot was a hard worker and was really just trying to be helpful but her bosses always left her feeling like she was the butt of the joke.

That was until the day she decided that working for other people was just another form of indentured servitude. She is now a famous international artist known for her many idiosnycratic works such as Glass Hammer (2011), Can of Steam (2012), Dough repair kit (2012), tin of tartan paint (2013), sound powered phone batteries (2016) and Brick bender (2015). ‘Who’s the fool now?’ Isot chuckles to herself as she spends yet another weekend in San Tropez…

Love

id-iom

Skin and Bones

Sooooo, I’ve written a zombie book called Skin & Bones. I’ve yet to do anything with it other than give it to a few friends to read so thought I’d remedy that by attempting some feeble marketing for it and giving it a shameless plug here. This text would ideally be the back of the book blurb. If you’re at all interested then drop me a line. Here’s what the text says:

This morning you woke up feeling a little unwell. You have no appetite, your head is aching, your throat is sore and you think you might have a slight fever. You don’t know it yet, but the zombie virus has already been working away inside you for a week or so and has been busy attacking your immune system. It’s reached the stage where it’s really about make it’s presence known.

Exactly when and where you were infected is unclear as it can take anything between 21 and 30 days from initial infection to the first proper symptoms. What is more certain is that you are now infectious yourself and have been for a while. Your family, friends and anyone else in close contact with you are all in mortal danger.

The next couple of days will determine if you are one of the lucky few who has some natural resistance and will, at least, survive the infection stage or not. In the highly probable event that you have no resistance then, at some time between 3 and 4 weeks after infection, you can expect the whites of your eyes to turn red, your vomit and diarrhoea will now be charged with infected blood and large blood blisters develop under your skin. You are now at the peak of infectiousness as the virus particles, eager to find their next victim, replicate swiftly inside your body.

What comes next is straight out of a movie. Your brain heats up and you become more aggressive as your mental faculties begin to deteriorate. At some point you’ll become unconscious and then the next time you open your eyes you will no longer be in control of yourself. You are now constantly hungry for human flesh and have the overriding urge to bite someone. Satisfying your cravings is now all your limited intellect can cope with. Congratulations, you are now a zombie.

Calling you a zombie would probably suffice in a pinch but isn’t quite correct however and the term ‘living dead’ would probably seem a better fit. But you won’t care. The virus has made permanent changes. From the second you were infected the grave is your only and eventual way out. At least by that point you’ll have no knowledge of what you’re doing. Just following some of the baser human instincts that have been modified and enhanced. Your end is nigh. Along with just about everybody else’s…

Cheers

id-iom

Skin & Bones tiny laser cut

Eagle eyed readers might recognise this little laser cut image as a tiny version of the image we did at UPfest last year. I was just seeing how small the laser cutter will reasonably do and how difficult that would be to paint. It turns out it is particularly tricky to paint at that scale.

Anyway, the image is related to a zombie book I’ve written called Skin & Bones that features some zombie pigs and in the spirit of attempting some feeble marketing for it I’m giving it a shameless plug here. If you’re at all interested in the book here’s a little taster of what to expect. Drop me a line if you’d like to give it a read:

This morning you woke up feeling a little unwell. You have no appetite, your head is aching, your throat is sore and you think you might have a slight fever. You don’t know it yet, but the zombie virus has already been working away inside you for a week or so and has been busy attacking your immune system. It’s reached the stage where it’s really about make it’s presence known.

Exactly when and where you were infected is unclear as it can take anything between 21 and 30 days from initial infection to the first proper symptoms. What is more certain is that you are now infectious yourself and have been for a while. Your family, friends and anyone else in close contact with you are all in mortal danger.

The next couple of days will determine if you are one of the lucky few who has some natural resistance and will, at least, survive the infection stage or not. In the highly probable event that you have no resistance then, at some time between 3 and 4 weeks after infection, you can expect the whites of your eyes to turn red, your vomit and diarrhoea will now be charged with infected blood and large blood blisters develop under your skin. You are now at the peak of infectiousness as the virus particles, eager to find their next victim, replicate swiftly inside your body.

What comes next is straight out of a movie. Your brain heats up and you become more aggressive as your mental faculties begin to deteriorate. At some point you’ll become unconscious and then the next time you open your eyes you will no longer be in control of yourself. You are now constantly hungry for human flesh and have the overriding urge to bite someone. Satisfying your cravings is now all your limited intellect can cope with. Congratulations, you are now a zombie.

Calling you a zombie would probably suffice in a pinch but isn’t quite correct however and the term ‘living dead’ would probably seem a better fit. But you won’t care. The virus has made permanent changes. From the second you were infected the grave is your only and eventual way out. At least by that point you’ll have no knowledge of what you’re doing. Just following some of the baser human instincts that have been modified and enhanced. Your end is nigh. Along with just about everybody else’s…

Cheers

id-iom

 

Monkey Love

Monkey Love

There I was walking around the House of Pain(t) when i noticed the other half of id-iom had put up some David Guetta style hands on one of the walls. A representation of modern day love if you will. This forced me into a state of cognitive dissonance so I decided to disrobe, sit on the floor in a Zen-like state and try some deep meditation to see if i could come up with something fitting for the other wall. After some concentration and a quick snooze the idea hit me like a wet fish to the side of the head. To balance out this vacuous 21st century representation of love I would turn the other way and show some prehistoric style love. What better way to do that than show a rag tag collection of bones in the shape of a monkey skeleton with a magnificent beating heart in its rib cage. That will teach you to show your stupid gangly fingers at me David Guetta!!

Cheers

id-iom