id-iom’s top album challenge (imaginary edition)

We have accepted a challenge to post ten imaginary albums that we love – one album per post, no explanations, no reviews – just covers.

Let’s promote the love of imaginary music.

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Dead Pony Club

There I was, minding my own business, whilst perusing the aisles of my local supermarket. I happened to glance at a bottle of Dead Pony Club by Brewdog and realised the supermarket description (‘Pale Ale 3.8% is brewed with a solid malt base’ – blah, blah, blah) did no favours to a drink with such a name. I decided to use my overactive imagination as a guide to remedy this with a description a bit more fitting…

If this was an 80’s film this would now be the montage section where I scan, find fonts, use my computer and finally print out the finished product. We’d then segue back to me walking up the street about to complete my mission with the supermarket insertion of my replacement label. Cue credits. 

Cheers

id-iom

Official Ball Tampering Kit

G’day! If you’ve ever wondered how some bowlers can deliver a ball with seemingly gravity defying swing then look no further. We’ve been working with the world renowned Cozen Academy for over 2 years to establish a new paradigm in ball tampering. Our patented high tech ‘yellow sandpaper’ works in any weather and can be discreetly used to rough up one side of the ball in a little over 15 seconds. This then allows for all kinds of bowling trickery – provided you’ve got the skill to carry it off! The kit is then small enough to be easily stashed just about anywhere at a moment’s notice and nobody is any the wiser. Work hard. Play smart.

The official kit is also available in a team-size max value pack for when you want everyone in on the action. Only available for a limited period.

Cheers

id-iom

Badvertising – Taste the feeling

It’s funny how many advertising slogans can be applied to the murky world of drugs. For today’s instalment in a series we’re imaginatively calling ‘badvertising’ we’ve gone for Coke Zero and the classic ‘Taste the feeling’ tagline. We could have just have easily used ‘real Coke taste and zero calories’ but preferred the classic tagline as it’s a little more descriptive.

Anyway, today’s piece is on my current canvas of choice, namely wood, and using my current favoured technique of laser engraving. Plus, just a little bit of white paint pen just to accentuate the obvious. Drop us a line if you’re interested…

Cheers

id-iom

Tesco’s Finest ‘spice’ – in store now!

Tesco’s Finest ‘spice’ Melange – in store now!

Tesco’s Finest ‘spice’ Melange label

If you’ve ever seen David Lynch’s 1984 film Dune (based on Frank Herbert’s 1965 novel of the same name) then you probably already know what Melange ‘spice’ is. In the film it’s a drug that has some particularly useful effects and one big downside. It gives the user a longer life span, greater vitaility, heightened awareness and psychic powers. Which is handy as it makes safe and accurate interstellar travel possible. The downside however is that it is addictive and withdrawal is fatal. All this has conspired to make it the most valuable commodity in the universe.

Never one to miss a trick Tesco’s have made a couple of intergalactic deals and got their hands on some of the good stuff. It’s harvested by hand on the desert planet Arrakis from the excretions of the highly dangerous giant sandworm. Tesco’s then ship it to earth and package it up in their Finest range for just under £100 for 4g. A bargain to be sure. Get it while it lasts…

cheers

id-iom

Soylent Green – in store now!

Soylent Green – in store now!

Soylent Green – available now!

After being dispatched to our local corner shop to procure some Le Puy lentils for that evening’s curry I had reason to examine the dizzying array of canned food on offer in our local corner shop. Along with all the usual products they also have some particular goods that cater to the local Caribbean, Polish and Portuguese communities. It’s sometimes tricky to tell what some of the more exotic looking cans even contain. And that gave me an idea.

The 1973 film ‘Soylent Green’ starring Charlton Heston is set in a dystopian future where the earth is hugely overpopulated and there just isn’t enough food to go round. To try and solve this problem the Soylent corporation comes up with a new foodstuff called ‘Soylent Green’ which is ostensibly made from high energy plankton harvested from the world’s oceans. But that is not so, as we discover through Heston’s diligent detective work following a murder. He stumbles upon a bizarre state secret – that Soylent Green is made of people!

So, to celebrate both the incomprehensible range of cans on offer in our local shop and the 1973 film I came up with some Soylent Green cans for our local shop – complete with ingredients, nutrition information and cooking instructions. An internet search revealed that Polynesian cannibals used to call human flesh ‘longpig’ so I definitely had to include that (23% of the contents don’t you know!)

Cheers

id-iom

Something from the cellar (JP Chenet)

As seems to happen a couple of times a week I was aimlessly wandering the aisles of my local supermarket searching for an ingredient they undoubtedly didn’t have. I was feeling a little dispirited and glanced at the new wine description they’d put up for JP Chenet. Seeing the halfhearted description made me want to cry a little so I thought I’d see if I could jazz it up somewhat.

With it tasting like bitter clowns tears with a hint of suspicion it’s not one for the light hearted but start playing some trouser jazz through your phone’s tinny speakers, turn it up and sit back against the nearest bit of street furniture and you’ll soon be seeing the world through different eyes. Go on, give it a try…

Cheers

id-iom

Something from the cellar (Blue Nun)

There I was aimlessly wandering the aisles of my local supermarket searching for an ingredient they undoubtedly didn’t have. I was feeling a little dispirited and glanced at the new wine description they’d put up for Blue Nun. Seeing the halfhearted description made me want to cry a little so I thought I’d see if I could jazz it up somewhat.

The previous description was ‘Popular wine from Germany with a citrusy tang and a hint of honey on the finish. Great with Asian noodles. Taste Guide 4.’ I think mine is a somewhat more honest appraisal of the wine’s true character. I’d like to think these will go unnoticed by the staff until some eagle eyed customer decides to spoil my fun and brings it to their attention. Only time will tell…

Cheers

id-iom

Something from the cellar (red)

With the last couple of id-iom wine description redesigns still going strong in-store I thought it only fair to spread the love and get another supermarket in on the act. Today we have a cheeky little red with a fruity bouquet that can be yours for the princely sum of £4.  Get it while it lasts…

Cheers

id-iom

Something from the cellar

I was navigating the aisles of my local supermarket when, due to my girlfriend’s inability to make a quick decision, my eye was drawn to the flowery descriptions of some of their lower end wines. Phrases like ‘warming spice flavours’, ‘smooth finish’ and ‘floral notes’ seemed to litter the florid accounts of the wines’ supposed qualities. Now, it just so happens that wine is firmly on my banned substance list so I certainly wasn’t in the position to put these contrived claims to the test.

Instead I decided to get down with a bit of culture jamming and recreate the descriptions using my overactive imagination as a guide. I think what we’re left with is probably a more honest appraisal of the wine’s true character. I’d like to think these will go unnoticed by the staff until some eagle eyed customer decides to spoil my fun and brings it to their attention. Only time will tell…

Cheers

id-iom