Bored of waiting for coronavirus to come to you? Well now you don’t have to. Corona have bowed to the inevitable and teamed up with the world renowned creators of Covid 19 to bring you this zesty and infectious small batch artisanal version of their classic brew. Great for 14 day mini breaks at home or abroad.
I’ve been trying to resist the obvious Corona label update but temptation finally got the better of me. C’mon ‘zesty notes which are enhanced by adding a wedge of lime.’ is just not going to cut it with today’s hyper paranoid world view where the beer Corona has somehow been inextricably linked to a global pandemic. So i’ve fixed that at least.
Bored of breakfast beer? Why not mix things up a bit with some delicious and zingy Blue WKD. Made from the tears of aging ravers distilled with the finest sugar, raw spirit and extract of Smurf. Great as a breakfast beverage with Soviet era jazz. Try it yourself…
To my surprise there was no supermarket description on the Blue WKD label. They’ll do it for some pretentious craft beer though. How frightfully rude. Allow me to assist.
There I was aimlessly wandering the aisles of my local supermarket searching for an ingredient they undoubtedly didn’t have. I was feeling a little dispirited and glanced at the new wine description they’d put up for Blue Nun. Seeing the halfhearted description made me want to cry a little so I thought I’d see if I could jazz it up somewhat.
The previous description was ‘Popular wine from Germany with a citrusy tang and a hint of honey on the finish. Great with Asian noodles. Taste Guide 4.’ I think mine is a somewhat more honest appraisal of the wine’s true character. I’d like to think these will go unnoticed by the staff until some eagle eyed customer decides to spoil my fun and brings it to their attention. Only time will tell…
With the last couple of id-iom wine description redesigns still going strong in-store I thought it only fair to spread the love and get another supermarket in on the act. Today we have a cheeky little red with a fruity bouquet that can be yours for the princely sum of £4. Get it while it lasts…
I was navigating the aisles of my local supermarket when, due to my girlfriend’s inability to make a quick decision, my eye was drawn to the flowery descriptions of some of their lower end wines. Phrases like ‘warming spice flavours’, ‘smooth finish’ and ‘floral notes’ seemed to litter the florid accounts of the wines’ supposed qualities. Now, it just so happens that wine is firmly on my banned substance list so I certainly wasn’t in the position to put these contrived claims to the test.
Instead I decided to get down with a bit of culture jamming and recreate the descriptions using my overactive imagination as a guide. I think what we’re left with is probably a more honest appraisal of the wine’s true character. I’d like to think these will go unnoticed by the staff until some eagle eyed customer decides to spoil my fun and brings it to their attention. Only time will tell…
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