Tag Archives: dracula

Vlad the inhaler

There’s not much to say about Vlad the Impaler’s great nephew apart from the fact that he is a major disappointment to the whole family. Everyone expected him to take over where his uncle left off but in this new world full of modern marvels he seems more interested in playing Fortnite than the casual impaling of thousands.

Another reason why he doesn’t want to get into the old family business is due to the case of chronic asthma which he‘s had since childhood. If he ever finds himself outside he pretty much needs a respirator pumping albuterol straight down his gullet.

If recent news stories are to be believed though he might be causing untold suffering just by going outside and breathing due to the fact that inhalers have an incredibly high carbon footprint.

So as to not be a continuing disappointment to his family he has used his vast bitcoin wealth to buy up all the companies who supply the more environmentally friendly dry powder inhalers so he can run them into the ground. His great uncle would perhaps be proud after all. And he can stop that spinning in his grave malarky…




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The taste of my cherry lips

Margaret here used to be one of the worlds most famous supermodels. She could demand pretty much anything she wanted and the people surrounding her would grovel around and get it.

Sadly just last Friday she was bitten by a vampire called Dicky who on the vampire scale is pretty low on the ladder as he himself was only bitten the week before that. So, as you may expect, he has no castle or timeless treasures to speak of. In fact, all he has is a one bed flat just outside Epsom which has been surrounded by cats that constantly hiss at him now he’s a vampire.

Margaret, on the other hand, is now THE most famous of supermodels. All the other models are jealous as she parties all night, is paid more, is never seen eating and she has such pale and delicate skin. If only they knew…



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