Simply this piece is about the time a woman came up to me to tell me I had an easily forgettable face, the absolute cheek of it. I demanded to know what made her think such a thing.That was a mistake as she then proceeded to list numerous things that she deemed led her to the belief that my face was forgettable. I stood there for 45 mins before she came to the end of her rant. I just didn’t know that someone could berate you for your facial features or lack thereof for so long. Luckily I had my phone out at the time as I was using it to transcribe some of my musings and managed to get nearly 976 well thought out insults that I can now use in any situation. Lets just hope no one on twitter gets on the wrong side of me, otherwise the list is coming out…
If the internet is to be believed there are certain words that the majority of people dislike and not because they’re swear words or have nasty connotations but usually because they make people cringe just by hearing them.
There are many of these words but to induce the most discomfort possible I chose to shoehorn two together to try to invoke a sense of shame, disgust, loathing and general feeling of discomfort in the viewer. Of course, this is set off by the calming colour palette to lure you into a false sense of security before imploding your brain in a whirl of cognitive dissonance.
The end result is ‘Never let it be said and perhaps I should have probably taken my own words into consideration when creating the piece but you can only go where the muse will take you…
It is A3 in size and made using the magic of imagination, glitter, paint pen and acrylic. Drop us a line if you’d like it to grace your walls…
The other half of id-iom told me just the other day that I should probably stop drawing men with big noses and I thought he was probably right as I have about 20 half-finished pictures sat around featuring men with big hooters. But then I did an about turn.
With inspiration running low and no idea of what to paint I was staring vacantly out the window when my eyes refocused – and what did I see but my own face complete with statuesque Roman nose staring back at me. That was enough to get the creative juices flowing, so I quickly set to work on my latest self portrait. Something I said I’d never do again after my last attempt which resulted in ‘High Risk Hugo’.
This time things haven’t gone much better, it would seem I still have a penchant for making my face look more like a horror movie monster than what I actually look like or perhaps all these months of lockdown have been getting to me.
Also I spent far too long painting the colours in the background but I guess I’ve had some time on my hands.
Brian had been in the garden drinking his morning cup of tea admiring the plants and animals like something from a Disney movie. Whilst sauntering around the garden transfixed by the flora and fauna in front of him Brian hadn’t realised that the greater weed hawk must have landed on his shoulder without him realising.
He didn’t know how long the cheeba hawk had been roosting there but obviously long enough for the inevitable to happen. Brian managed a quick glance at the ashtray in front of him, full to the brim. He was sure that it was empty when he first came out this morning and was wondering how it was now full when what had actually happened came clear to him before the white mist surrounded him. With his mental acuity crumbling he needed to find a spot on the sofa to weather the storm.
This was when he first realised the sinister cawing of cheeba hawk rattling around his otherwise empty head. Twenty minutes later and the white fog seemed to evaporate leaving Brian cold and hungry on his sofa. ‘I’ll be all white’ he said to himself before getting up and putting on the kettle.
It is A4 in size and made using the magic of imagination, oil paints, acrylic and paint pen.
Ever felt the need to paint an ugly man-child who’s looking at you like you just spilt his pint? I can’t imagine you have so I’ve gone and done it for you. Kev here is angry pretty much all the time at just about everything imaginable – from the cost of a pint to how people cross the road. If you see him whilst out and about it’s much easier to give a cheery wave and carry on your business for if you’re unlucky enough to engage him in conversation you’ll understand why the cheery wave is the preferred scenario.
His anger for so many things simultaneously is both impressive and depressing in its magnitude. The main thing is to extricate yourself from the conversation as swiftly as possible before his ire manages to get under your skin. If you find yourself agreeing with him then the best thing is just to drop to the floor and play dead then hope he’ll get bored. You have been warned…
I think I might go and have a cup of tea and reminisce about all the walls at the old studio that I didn’t manage to paint.
Keen followers of id-iom will know that we like to put a little write up with our pieces. Today is no exception but it appears we’ve run into a small snag. Neither of us can seemingly come up with anything suitable for today’s decidedly lovely painting. She’s a wistful looking lady gazing off stage left. That much is for sure.
It’s usually quite obvious (to us at least) what the blurb will be. But not today. It’s veered from being related to the boredom of lockdown to living in a crashed space station to shouting at your own private parts. I wish I was making it up. Now, in the fruitless search for a write up, I’ve had to go all existential and write about my inability to come up with something to write about. Meta. Take from it all what you will…
If you’d like to give her a home drop us a line etc. It is A2 on high quality Bockingford paper and made using Acrylic, paint pen, watercolour pencil and spray paint.
Gather round for I have a tale to tell. I was on holiday when I thought I’d go for an afternoon stroll into the hills behind where I was staying. As I was wandering along the path I knocked a stone which started a small rockslide that seemed to terminate with a deep groan. Having watched too much Murder She Wrote I decided to put on my Jessica Fletcher hat and began an investigation.
After clambering down the small incline I was surprised to find a large head peeking out of the ground and grumbling to itself. To my shock he started shouting at me about being careful about where I was going and to watch my step in a deeply toned accent that I just couldn’t place. I apologised profusely and said I would be more careful in the future and he grumbled something unintelligible and seemingly went back to sleep. Now, what the moral is I’m not entirely sure but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Would you adam and eve it? In between dodging rain showers I have actually managed to make some progress this week. That’s the first part of our patented 3-in-1 portrait done and dusted.
I did ask my cousin, whom the portrait is of, what colours he liked and didn’t like. He said he’d think about it and get back. He didn’t. I went off piste. This is the result. Now to apply some tape and redo the whole thing for stage 2…
It’s now time to embark on a new 3 in 1 piece on my favourite bit of garden wall and I needed a willing new subject. Can you guess who it is? Well, who better than my cousin! Full marks if you guessed correctly although if you’re not family you’ve been doing some pretty hardcore surveillance. Congratulations either way.
If you didn’t recognise him you’re just going to have to trust me that it’s a pretty good likeness. The question is, how much further can I get done before the rain sets in? It’s sunny now but my weather app assures me not for much longer. Answers on a postcard…
To occupy the time during lockdown Manana here has started taking suggestions off of the internet for what she should do to keep herself amused. She’s already completed Zelda on the Nintendo Switch, perfected the art of making croissants and somehow become an expert in the art of fly fishing although she hasn’t been near any open water since the start of January.
Today someone suggested she paint herself blue and post the results. I’m not quite sure what the person who suggested it gets out of it but Manana was game enough. The results speak for themselves. What on earth will tomorrow bring?
It is 37.5 cm x 37.5 cm on Bockingford paper and made using acrylic, spraypaint, paint pen and watercolour.