Official Ball Tampering Kit

G’day! If you’ve ever wondered how some bowlers can deliver a ball with seemingly gravity defying swing then look no further. We’ve been working with the world renowned Cozen Academy for over 2 years to establish a new paradigm in ball tampering. Our patented high tech ‘yellow sandpaper’ works in any weather and can be discreetly used to rough up one side of the ball in a little over 15 seconds. This then allows for all kinds of bowling trickery – provided you’ve got the skill to carry it off! The kit is then small enough to be easily stashed just about anywhere at a moment’s notice and nobody is any the wiser. Work hard. Play smart.

The official kit is also available in a team-size max value pack for when you want everyone in on the action. Only available for a limited period.

Cheers

id-iom

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Badvertising – Taste the feeling

It’s funny how many advertising slogans can be applied to the murky world of drugs. For today’s instalment in a series we’re imaginatively calling ‘badvertising’ we’ve gone for Coke Zero and the classic ‘Taste the feeling’ tagline. We could have just have easily used ‘real Coke taste and zero calories’ but preferred the classic tagline as it’s a little more descriptive.

Anyway, today’s piece is on my current canvas of choice, namely wood, and using my current favoured technique of laser engraving. Plus, just a little bit of white paint pen just to accentuate the obvious. Drop us a line if you’re interested…

Cheers

id-iom

Tesco’s Finest ‘spice’ – in store now!

Tesco’s Finest ‘spice’ Melange – in store now!

Tesco’s Finest ‘spice’ Melange label

If you’ve ever seen David Lynch’s 1984 film Dune (based on Frank Herbert’s 1965 novel of the same name) then you probably already know what Melange ‘spice’ is. In the film it’s a drug that has some particularly useful effects and one big downside. It gives the user a longer life span, greater vitaility, heightened awareness and psychic powers. Which is handy as it makes safe and accurate interstellar travel possible. The downside however is that it is addictive and withdrawal is fatal. All this has conspired to make it the most valuable commodity in the universe.

Never one to miss a trick Tesco’s have made a couple of intergalactic deals and got their hands on some of the good stuff. It’s harvested by hand on the desert planet Arrakis from the excretions of the highly dangerous giant sandworm. Tesco’s then ship it to earth and package it up in their Finest range for just under £100 for 4g. A bargain to be sure. Get it while it lasts…

cheers

id-iom

Living in a world where everybody hears but nobody’s listening

Living in a world where everybody hears but nobody’s listening – on tube

One of the contradictions of living in today’s frenetically paced, socially connected world is that there are so many effective means to make yourself heard and so many millions of potential people to hear it that it’s hard to believe your profound statements regarding your dinner or the customer service department of whatever business you’re dealing with won’t be the talk of the nation. But they won’t. Unless you’re a celebrity however, then the opposite holds true and any crumb of information, no matter how trivial, is devoured like manna from heaven and shared around other eager acolytes. But you’re never going to reach those heady heights.

Instead, you will be resolutely ignored. Which is why I thought the humble house cat was a good graphical representation of this. It can surely hear you (unless it’s deaf) but will pay scant attention unless there’s an offer of food on the table. Quite what i’m trying to say here is not entirely clear, even to me, but I’ll leave it all in your capable hands to decipher…

As an aside we really took this one next level as we didn’t even put it on the tube ourselves. This was deposited by one of our street team. You know you’ve made it when you don’t even have to do it yourself. Cheers Leander!

Cheers

id-iom

Self service child minder unit

Bemoaning the lack of affordable local child care seems to be something of a popular pastime for many of the young mums I know so I’m glad to see that the local council has decided to do something about it. They’ve had a multi-departmental brainstorming session and the self service child minder units are their experimental outcome. Simply deposit your child in one of the marked units and then retrieve them after work. It’s as simple as that. And it’s free. Although it should be noted that overnight stays are prohibited. I, for one, applaud this brave new move in domestic frugality…

Cheers

id-iom

Mysteries solved. No job too small.

Mysteries solved. No job too small.

I’m on a roll now with our take on scam baiting. It all started when I received an email from aburimar777@gmail.com kindly offering me 40% of $5.5 million if I could help him get it out of Burkina Faso. I liked his brazen approach but thought his email could do with a little work so decided to give it a little style makeover (see here).  We’ve also used his email on a few bizarre posters with the hope that he’ll receive some fun emails to brighten up his day. Now we’ve reinvented him as a man who’ll help you sort absolutely any of life’s mysteries – from the trivial to the more challenging philosophical conundrums. I’m just hoping that a few bored commuters are going to be mystified enough to take up his kind offer and chuck him an email…

Cheers

id-iom