Kate here has been a bit depressed for the last few months. For the past 36 years (from the age of 10) she has been a world authority on the short-lived media franchise that was M.A.S.K. For the uninitiated, M.A.S.K was much like Transformers in so far that they were both an animated series and toy line. They even both featured transforming vehicles. And were also both keen marketing ploy’s by Kenner and Hasbro respectively.
Anyway, Kate is sad because until May this year she was living the impossible dream. M.A.S.K was, much like Transformers, due to hit the big screen and have a resurgence of interest. She’d even got a segment of the lyrics to the theme song tattooed on her buttock – ‘No one knows what lies behind the masquerades!’ – but then came the sad news that the project was getting shelved again. S.A.D.
To this day Kate wears her M.A.S.K branded eye mask to honour her heroes and dream of the movie franchise that is surely to be…
She’s on A4 made using watercolour, ink, acrylic, paint pen and pencil. Drop us a line if you’d like her on your wall…
A mullet can be either ‘any of various chiefly marine fish that are widely caught for food’ or ‘a hairstyle in which the hair is cut short at the front and sides, but is longer at the back’. Looking at today’s piece I think we know which route we’re heading down…
The funny thing is that Schmigal here didn’t know that. He is a cultural historian living in the distant future and having found reference to the mullet he had to investigate further. In the future the haircut has disappeared whilst the fish remain so this reference to ‘business up front, a party in the back’ made no sense.
Once he’d done some cross referencing however and found a picture of Patrick Swayze from some time (he guessed) in the late 22st century he knew what it was all about. Now, in 3041 the mullet is about to rock the world once more – and Schmigal will briefly become the most famous man on Saturn 7.
He’s on A4 and made using acrylic, paint pen and pencil. If you have a forward thinking mullet wearer in your life then you’ve just found the perfect gift…
This morning i just couldn’t think of anything clever or amusing for the write up for this piece, so whilst racking my brain I thought i’d have a quick trawl of the interweb to see if i could find any inspiration. It wasn’t looking great until I came across an article about google’s new poetry AI and that’s when things started to fall into place. So instead of some well thought out prose I give you some poetry created by a computer after a little nudge in the right direction by myself. I hope you enjoy:
Psychology of Pink
First I fell into an idle bed;
Drowning all a feeling with a think
To breathe those flowers upon my head.
Psychology of blue
He knew that an artist, an marked school,
Brought on its heart, like the distant dew
As if a dog I might paint a fool?
Now if that doesn’t strike a chord i’m pretty sure you are dead inside…
The bird-like nest on top of Diane’s head is actually her hair after just 2 sips of white wine after work on a Thursday. She intends on doing the whole bottle. She knows she has work again tomorrow but she just doesn’t care. That’s working from home for you. She read online that she can now change her hairstyle digitally using the magical power of her computer. If she can only work out how it all works then her next Zoom call should prove a little more interesting and perhaps Phillip from Marketing might finally take some notice. If not she’s going to send him a virus from a made-up but believable email address and see how he likes that instead…
We haven’t seen one of the spheres out and about in a while. This one seems to have taken an intense interest in this young lady’s rainbow coloured hair and has been following her around for days now. Quite what it’s doing is entirely unknown.
Whilst most people may be a little concerned that a ominous orb has been shadowing their every move Emilia here doesn’t mind so much as it looks great as a mysterious background for her Instagram pictures. She’s been gaining followers at quite a rate but she has been having some rather odd thoughts of late…
She’s on a 40cm wide circular canvas board and was made using the magic of acrylic paint pouring, a touch of manual dexterity, some imagination, stencils and spray paint. She’s available to be rehomed so drop us a line if you’d like her to live with you…
Ladies and Gentleman may I present to you this season’s newest debutante – Lady Rosamund Garden of Brixistane. Lady Garden can be seen hanging out at all the finest soirees and elite celebrity events. She’s even been spotted on the catwalk at London Fashion Week.
We haven’t done much outdoor work yet this year so thought it best to remedy that with a quick paint in the yard to acclimatise ourselves to the brutal February conditions. Lady Rosamund Garden is the dubious result. She has poetry in her hair and a little bird that roosts in her elaborate floral headpiece. Whatever will she turn into next?
This young lady has decided that she’s in agreement with the old adage of ‘a change is as good as a rest’. Bored with winter and her staid old look she’s decided to shake things up a bit. Perhaps the florescent red hair dye was a step too far but it just goes so well with her fancy new skull top that she doesn’t care. We can check back on her in the spring time to see what new look she’ll be sporting then. Fashion moves ever onward.
This guy is an urban vampire. If you know what to look for it’s easy to spot. Bats for hair is the first thing. As we all know, vampires are naturally bald but over time they’ve convinced squadrons of tiny undead bats to cling to their scalps in some semblance of a hairpiece. They tend to have a glamour (or spell) that makes the beasts look just like a well tousled head of hair but if you squint just right you can see the little blighters scrabbling over each other for purchase or occasionally flying off to snatch a nearby fly.
The fact that vampires tend to smoke hemlock cigarettes is another giveaway. With a smell more acrid than burning tyres one hit will kill you in an instant but that doesn’t stop them passing them over for a toke to anyone stupid enough to ask what it is.
Finally, vampires love bling. And not just any one old bling. They believe that ancient gold artifacts posess the power of civilisations now gone. And the mythical Golden Fleece is the most revered of the lot. Here he’s had it spun into an actual fleece so he’ll be able to pass as normal a bit more easily whilst out and about. So there you go. Now you now.
He’s been lasercut on wood at 39 x 27cm and then lovingly hand painted before some gold and silver leaf was added (they love bling remember) and a drizzle of crystal resin to finish.
Vampires have been a popular culture phenomenon ever since Bram Stoker knocked out ‘Dracula’ in 1897. We’ve seen vampires in many guises but today I give you the definitive guide to how to spot a modern day urban vampire. By some standards it’s quite easy but you have to know what to look for.
‘Bats for hair’ is the first thing. As we all know, vampires are naturally bald but over time they’ve convinced squadrons of undead bats to cling to their scalps in some semblance of a hairpiece. They tend to have a glamour (or spell) that makes the beasts look just like a well tousled head of hair but if you squint just right you can see the little blighters scrabbling over each other for purchase or occassionally flying off to snatch a nearby fly.
The fact that vampires tend to smoke hemlock cigarettes is another giveaway. With a smell more acrid than burning tyres one hit will kill you in an instant but that doesn’t stop them passing them over for a toke to anyone stupid enough to ask what it is.
Finally, vampires love bling. And not just any one old bling. They believe that ancient gold artifacts posess the power of civilisations now gone. And the mythical Golden Fleece is the most revered of the lot. Here he’s had it spun into an actual fleece so he’ll be able to pass as normal a bit more easily whilst out and about. So there you go. Now you now.
As with all the pieces I’ve been doing recently he’s a bit of mixed media magic featuring some spraypaint, crystal resin, dymo tape and whatever else I was using.
Rather than letting her hair down, so to speak, this lady has decided to stick it up just as high as it will go. The reasons for this are unclear. Whilst she’s got a steely eyed glare on for the camera inside she’s buzzing like a bee in a honey tree. The reasons for this are unclear too. All we know for sure is that she’s ready to take on Kid and Play in the haircut stakes. (If you don’t know what I’m on about I’d suggest using the internet as a research tool and finding out). Word to your mother.
thisisidiom.wordpress.com 
You must be logged in to post a comment.