The clubs are back open, the music is pumping, the smoke machine obscures faces and lasers drown the dark room in light. Suddenly the dj drops a song that sends ripples through the dancefloor. Now is the time to spread your wings and show them what a real disco queen is capable of as you strut confidently through the crowd to your preferred spot and begin to gyrate slowly…
Unfortunately it’s still a fantasy in the UK but we’ll get there eventually. Disco queens stand by…
The lad didn’t know he was different – that was until the day he fired purple laser beams from his eyes! It all started innocently enough. He was talking with his boss over Zoom when he was jokingly reminded about a regrettable incident in the lift the previous year. He tried to wisecrack back but the jibe had already got under his skin and then before you knew it a purple light started to crackle from his eyes. The next thing he knew he had burnt a hole clear through the laptop screen and window in front of him. The acrid smell of burning plastic filled the air. He wondered what on earth he was meant to do next…
This kid has had 13 ASBO’s slapped on him this month – and it’s only the 18th of November! He just doesn’t care and it seems he’s collecting ASBO’s like they are going out of fashion. So far he’s had them for the following (amongst others as yet unspecified):
littering and dumping rubbish outside his local dry cleaners (apparently related to his misuse of the fabric softener)
A constant misuse of fireworks (including using them late at night)
Shouting and noisy behaviour in places where this might be annoying or upsetting (e.g. outside someone’s house). This I have a personal experience of.
Using rude, abusive or insulting language to pretty much anyone especially the old or infirm.
Threatening behaviour or bullying – including on the internet, mobile phones or other electronic media (whatever you do don’t let him borrow your phone or laptop).
Uncontrolled and dangerous animals – he has 3 feral rabid rabbits that he takes with him everywhere
Joyriding or using vehicles in an anti social manner (for example blocking access, noisy radios, wheel spinning); abandoning a vehicle – he especially likes pulling donuts at traffic lights.
Excessively drinking alcohol, alcohol related trouble or buying and selling drugs in the street – yes to all above.
Begging – he has such a sweet face (not).
As you can see he’s already got a tattoo of this achievement definitely making him the ASBO king and probably not an ideal next door neighbour.
Title: The ASBO King
Media: Acrylic, pastel and paint pen
You have to wonder why this young chap is looking so down. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘red sky at night shepherd’s delight, red sky in the morning shepherds warning’ and from the title of the piece you can probably guess what time of day the image is depicting. He’d had a good day shepherding, lost no sheep and his mother had packed him a truly amazing pasty for lunch. What more could a lad ask? I’m not sure what his problem was as I tried my best to get him to break out a smile out for me but he just sat there with this sullen little look draped over his face. Anyway, before I could release my full comic potential, which would surely get a smile out of him the sun started to set and this was the best I got. Sometimes I wonder why I bother…
Title: The Setting Sun
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, gold leaf and charcoal