Callie was old. Very old. Although she didn’t look it and woe betide anyone who didn’t appreciate her fair skin and face. She was also a sea witch which, if you consult your big book of mythology, are powerful and capricious beings. Offending a sea witch by such means as refusing to pay her for her services, insulting her looks, or refusing to acknowledge her powers could end in disaster as she might choose to destroy an entire ship if she so wishes.
On the other hand though they can help people out just because they feel like it too. I guess that’s the nature of being capricious. Just a few weeks ago she’d been fooling around in the Irish Sea when she came across a lone jet-skier getting knocked about in the frigid and choppy water on a roundabout course for the Isle of Man. One quick divination later and she knew he was to become the Jet-Ski Romeo. It had never been in her nature to defy the course of true love so she decided to assist his crossing. And that’s the only reason he made it. Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
On A4 made using acrylic, oil pastel and paint pen. Drop us a line if you’re interested in giving her a new home
The bird-like nest on top of Diane’s head is actually her hair after just 2 sips of white wine after work on a Thursday. She intends on doing the whole bottle. She knows she has work again tomorrow but she just doesn’t care. That’s working from home for you. She read online that she can now change her hairstyle digitally using the magical power of her computer. If she can only work out how it all works then her next Zoom call should prove a little more interesting and perhaps Phillip from Marketing might finally take some notice. If not she’s going to send him a virus from a made-up but believable email address and see how he likes that instead…
When someone asks you whether you want to pop out for a pint in these weird and testing times what is your answer? Judy here is trying her best to stick to government guidelines but she just doesn’t know anymore and that’s about pretty much everything.
What is the colour of your eyes? I don’t know. When is your birthday? Not sure. What is the colour of an orange? Pink? It’s all just a little too much for poor Judy. Her eyes are now just hollowed out depressions in the front of her face, her nose is as red as Rudolph’s and she hasn’t even had a drink in the last few weeks or at least she doesn’t think she has.
Judy has found the easiest way to answer questions nowadays is to just start replying with affirmative and negative interjections and other assorted phrases until people either get the answer they are looking for or they think she is mad. Either method seems to work. I haven’t tried this technique yet but it looks like there might be some merit to it…
As I’m sure we’re all aware a stripe is ‘a relatively long, narrow band of a different color, appearance, weave, material, or nature from the rest of a surface or thing’. And I’m currently a little obsessed with them. It turns out no canvas is safe now I”ve got my new patented 3 pictures in 1 idea dominating my design thoughts.
It’s obviously quite a time consuming system as you have to do the picture twice in order to get the reveal and the mixed up final piece but since when has something as trifling as that put us off? I’m already thinking that this is the idea that catapults us to art superstardom…
She’s on a 60 x 40 canvas and I’d imagine you want to get involved right now before they skyrocket in price.
Mathilda had been staring at the ceiling of her bedroom for the last 17 hours straight. She wasn’t incapacitated or ill or bed bound however. She was, in fact, trying to ‘touch the void’ – a place apparently outside the framework of space and time as we understand it. She had read about it on a lifestyle influencer’s post on Instagram which had a picture of them sitting on a lone rock in some holistic yoga position with a few emojis thrown over the top. And that
post had over 11 thousand likes.
Eventually she gave up because she was hungry. As she wolfed down the eggs on toast she wondered if the influencer had ever really touched the void or was actually just making it all up. Whilst she was thinking she was also watching a Trump coronavirus press conference and came to the sudden conclusion that was all she really needed to connect with the bleak desolation of the void. It turned out it was pretty easy after all.
It is A2 in size and made using acrylic, spray paint, oil pastel and paint pen.
So we’ve got the final part of our triptych up today. Like the other parts it’s detailing someone dealing with lockdown. Rachel here is in a different boat to the others however.
Rachel has a nice house, big garden, investment banker husband and has always been a high achiever. She’s been attempting to treat the lockdown like an opportunity and was doing magnificently for the first two weeks. She’s been acing home schooling and has even been teaching little Sebastian some basic Mandarin on the side but the cracks are beginning to show. She thought she heard Sebastian swear and almost burst into tears. She’s now eyeing the bottle of gin in the drawing room. It’s not even 11am.
So there you go. We all deal with lockdown differently. Just try not to be the guy in the second picture and we should all be fine.
It’s funny what you can find on Wikipedia when searching for something entirely unrelated and how that can lead directly to inspiration. Which is always tricky to find.
Here we have a piece based on Valentina Tereshkova who was the first and youngest woman to have flown in space with a solo mission in 1963. She orbited the earth 48 times, spent almost three days in space, and remains the only woman to have been on a solo space mission. And at only 26 years old to boot. You really should check her out. An interesting lady.
Like other spacefarers, some of her words have been immortalised. Her call sign for the mission was ‘Seagull’. Valentina is known for saying:
‘It is I, Seagull! Everything is fine. I see the horizon; it’s a sky blue with a dark strip. How beautiful the Earth is … everything is going well.’
And that was enough to inspire me to create this. Whatever will I find next on the internet…
On A2 and made using acrylic, spray paint, paint pen and pencil
We haven’t really painted enough walls this year so when Irony got in touch to ask if we’d like to throw some paint around at Nags Head Market in Holloway we replied with all the gusto you can gather from two middle aged men, blew off the cobwebs and said yes.
We were apparently meant to have between 4pm and 10pm to try and get two pieces completed but that was wishful thinking. Instead we had about 2 1/2hrs painting time due to the cleaner who kept gently reminding us that he was leaving soon and that we should leave as well. Nothing like a deadline to get an artist moving.
One of the pieces we managed to complete was ‘The Lady of the Lift’. She guards the lift entrance just like a bouncer and will only let you pass if she believes your intentions are good. Otherwise she just opens the door when the lift isn’t there and woe betide the fool who isn’t quick enough to realise…
A fool’s errand is a task or activity that has no hope of success. A fool is a person who acts unwisely or imprudently; a silly person or a jester or clown, especially one retained in a royal or noble household.
Isot Maddrell wasn’t entirely sure if it was just her or if everybody got treated like this. She was fresh out of school and had only had a few small jobs but it seemed to happen every time.
When she was working part time at the pizzeria her boss would send her to the fridge to look for things that didn’t exist, like the dough repair kit, then burst out laughing when she’d come back empty handed. When her dad managed to wangle her a junior role in a very well known Michelin starred restaurant the head chef there delighted in asking her to fetch the souffle pump. In all fairness Isot was a hard worker and was really just trying to be helpful but her bosses always left her feeling like she was the butt of the joke.
That was until the day she decided that working for other people was just another form of indentured servitude. She is now a famous international artist known for her many idiosnycratic works such as Glass Hammer (2011), Can of Steam (2012), Dough repair kit (2012), tin of tartan paint (2013), sound powered phone batteries (2016) and Brick bender (2015). ‘Who’s the fool now?’ Isot chuckles to herself as she spends yet another weekend in San Tropez…
It’s funny what you find when you dig around in the corners of the overcrowded shedio. This morning I found this slate whilst looking for something else entirely and I’m pretty sure hasn’t seen the light of day since it was created six or seven years ago.
I’ve got literally no idea what I was thinking when I came up with this bad bitch but I obviously thought better than posting it. Now, with a bit of time between creation and reflection, I can still only wonder what my intentions were. Perhaps she was meant to be the result of some warped government experiments. Sadly, it looks like we’ll never know now. Just make up your own reason for the picture and we’ll leave it at that…