We’ve all heard the phrase ‘That ship has sailed’ well for this lady it undoubtedly has. She is pining for those halcyon days when her life was so much easier and straightforward. When her life wasn’t the mad dash that she lives through today, when she didn’t have to juggle everything in her life at the exact same time. Nowadays there isn’t even time to take a break.
The trouble is just last week she lost her Nokia 8110 which she treasured with all her heart. It’s sleek lines, it’s futuristic ‘slider’ form factor. After so many careful years she ended up leaving on the night bus whilst drunk, which she firmly blames on that chatty and well groomed guy she was trying to impress on the way home. Now though she has nothing. The man has gone home and now she is stuck in one of the lower levels of hell with her sister’s old iphone 4 with cracks on the screen.
People keep calling, texting, sexting, emailing, snapchatting, twittering, facebooking and instagramming. The fitness tracker keeps telling her to do more, the music app keeps telling her to download more stuff. It’s relentless and is all getting a bit too much. She’d love that phone back. Maybe eBay can help…
Title: Daily Lament
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, ink, charcoal and Tipp Ex
I know the title sounds like a 70’s prog rock band or some dodgy porno but it’s not. It came to me in a dream where the Ladyfinger Cloud Pump is actually the newest and most revolutionary invention created by renowned British designer James Dyson. We’d been the best of friends for years and he was excited about his invention but didn’t reveal to me exactly what the device actually does.
After the name leaked media speculation as to the nature of the device was rife. I was given the task of coming up with some misleading marketing material to further muddy the waters and upon waking decided to fulfil my dream commission anyway. According to my dream the device will be available later this year so watch this space…
I’m in two minds over this pic. I can’t decide whether she looks like she’s been on the disco biscuits all night and is gurning like a donkey sucking a rolo or whether she has been having a little too much fun with some kind of intimate solo pursuit. Either way ecstasy figures in her immediate future in one way or another. Probably best just to leave her to it.
For no better reason than we can this was reimagined from actual news headlines. I fill my head with this grubby nonsense so you don’t have to. Vive la revolution!
Title: Ecstasy and me
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic and charcoal
Surely this headline must be American? We don’t use coed over here do we? Anyway I’m not sure why this girl needs to advertise for such things but who am I to stand in the way of important research? I’ll volunteer to do my bit. All she really has to do is flash those eyes and she’d get pretty much the same result.
Like the rest of this sordid little lot these pictures have been reimagined from actual news headlines. I fill my head with this grubby nonsense so you don’t have to. Vive la revolution!
Title: Coed seeks lovers for sex survey
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, and charcoal
This piece had been hanging around unfinished for an unbelievably long time before I recently decided that enough was enough and that she was going to get finished whether I liked it or not. Usually this kind of tactic just won’t work and will probably send the artist into a tailspin. And that’s exactly what happened. I just sat there staring dumbly at it as empty thoughts drifted by lazily. In essence I was doing exactly what I was trying to prevent. The muse really is quite slippery when she wants to be.
Anyway this is where working in a partnership can come in handy. I decided if I couldn’t think of anything i’d see what the other half of id-iom had to say and, lo and behold, he had quite a lot to say on the matter. So, to cut a long story short I decided to do exactly what I was told and take the thinking out of it. And this is what you get. It’s got real buttons on it for goodness sake! Fab-u-lous!
Title: The Unabridged Soul Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, ink, charcoal, Tipp Ex and hand sewn buttons Size: A2
I think ‘Friend Zone’ should have some accompanying theme music. I imagine it would be some kind of weird 70’s disco affair but perhaps that’s just me. The lady in this piece was going to be used in a commission but (doh!) I didn’t read the brief properly and soon realised that it wouldn’t work.
That doesn’t mean she had to go to waste though. All it would take is a little love and attention and she would be good to go for something a little different. So i decided to change the sentiment from the commission piece and mix it up a little. The commission was to do with the moments before coupling whereas this piece shows the ramifications of what can happen after the deed is done. Unlucky pal, you’ve just been relegated to the Friend Zone…
Title: The Friend Zone
Media: Acrylic, charcoal and Tipp-Ex.
Size: 50 x 31cm
The phrase ‘I should coco’ originated in the 1930’s and means something along the lines of ‘I should think so’. The question in my mind is why this lovely lady is thinking just that. Has someone just made her a surprising offer that she just can’t turn down? I’d like to think so.
She looks a bit like she’s just stepped out of a 70’s sitcom so I’m thinking someone has just made her a bawdy (and probably somewhat sexist) offer and her response is ‘I should coco’ followed by peals of canned laughter. Well, that’s what I think and i’m sticking with it…
Title: I should coco
Materials: Acrylic, paint pen, glitter and charcoal