We here at id-iom occasionally like to go into the lab to create some new and wonderful things. Last Christmas when we couldn’t go and see our family due to the coronavirus we decided that our present giving for 2021 should be stellar and how better to do that than create some one-off personalised wrapping paper.
Like two mad scientists from the 50’s we came up with ideas ranging from gold plated newspaper (the cheaper newspaper was to offset the price of the gold) to woven cat fur cloth with added glitter (not ideal due to allergies). Eventually we decided to screen print some blank newsprint with cats, guns and grenades on as we thought this was the perfect sentiment for Christmas – and for gift giving in general. Now we just need some gifts…
Dave (or ‘Panther’ to his friends) had never been accused of making good decisions. In fact his chequered past was littered with questionable decisions. But none quite so foolish as today’s rash move.
He’d decided to buy a jet ski and go and see his girlfriend, which, on the face of it, sounds pretty romantic. Love will find a way and all that. He lived in Scotland however whilst his heart’s desire lived on the Isle of Man. If you throw in the fact that the Irish Sea in winter time is not the most charitable place to be combined with the fact it’s 40km from Scotland and the fact that he’d never ridden a jet ski before you can begin to see the poor decisions branching off into infinity. Oh, and I forgot to say it’s the middle of a pandemic and the Isle of Man is sealed off, covid free and lusting to throw lawbreakers in prison – so Dave’s decision is looking poorer by the second.
Somehow he made it despite the journey taking almost 4 hours longer than he predicted and, assumably, him almost freezing to death. You’d think perhaps lying low at his girlfriend’s might be a good idea but no, it’s out clubbing for Dave and his betrothed. Perhaps predictably this was his face on being told he faced a prison sentence after the long arm of the law reached out for him the following day…
It is A3 in size and made using the magic of acrylic, pastel, paint pen and imagination. Drop us a line if you need Dave in your life…
When someone asks you whether you want to pop out for a pint in these weird and testing times what is your answer? Judy here is trying her best to stick to government guidelines but she just doesn’t know anymore and that’s about pretty much everything.
What is the colour of your eyes? I don’t know. When is your birthday? Not sure. What is the colour of an orange? Pink? It’s all just a little too much for poor Judy. Her eyes are now just hollowed out depressions in the front of her face, her nose is as red as Rudolph’s and she hasn’t even had a drink in the last few weeks or at least she doesn’t think she has.
Judy has found the easiest way to answer questions nowadays is to just start replying with affirmative and negative interjections and other assorted phrases until people either get the answer they are looking for or they think she is mad. Either method seems to work. I haven’t tried this technique yet but it looks like there might be some merit to it…
During the pandemic some people haven’t been able to get their kicks where they usually would due to everyone being stuck indoors. This has resulted in a few problems here for Chanel, she always been a bit into voyeurism but due to lockdown can’t exorcise those demons and has resorted to some pretty ingenious ways to get her kicks.
First, she tried webcams but there was no fun in that at all, everyone knew she was watching them. Then she thought a simple bit of people watching out her bedroom window would work but with the shops closed and her living in the centre of town that didn’t work out too well.
Eventually, she came across the notion of watching people through their letterboxes. If she’s careful enough not to make a noise the only thing that gives Chanel away is the occasional gust of cold air through the letterbox then it’s usually time to beat a hasty retreat….
It is A2 in size and made using acrylic, watercolour and paint pen.
What do you do when a cockatiel lands on you and refuses to budge? This is the problem Martin here is currently dealing with and so far he doesn’t have scooby about the best way forward. All that he has managed so far is to christen him Gary.
Gary has been perched on his hand for the last 3 months now and chirps incessantly. Martin’s had enough. He’s called the RSPB but they thought he was pulling their leg then finally he tried his friend who has been known to go trophy hunting in Kenya but he wouldn’t do it because he had a dentist’s conference to go to and besides he already had 40 taxidermy cockatiels at home.
Martin now hasn’t slept for 72 hours as Gary has upped his chirping game. At times Martin thinks he can understand the chirps but at other times they sound like the discombobulating noises used in psychological operations in the 1950s. That is because Gary has been taught many techniques by the US military. Why is another question entirely…
It is A3 in size and made using imagination gouache, watercolour, and acrylic. If interested in giving it a new home don’t hesitate to get in touch.
This piece doesn’t quite seem as relevant now at this point in the pandemic than when I started it back in week 1 of lockdown – but given my busy schedule I’ve only now got round to completing it. We always knew it was going to happen, the old ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ adage, but seeing Cummings and the like actually flaunt the rules and then make up creative reasons why their actions were completely reasonable is easily enough to get our collective indignation bubbling away.
So, given a map of London I thought it might be good to put this notion in a more graphical manner so you can easily determine if you are one of the hoi polloi or if you meet the requirements to do whatever you want wherever you like with whomever you see fit.
id-iom does not bear any responsibility for the geographical accuracy of this map however so you can stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
‘No, it’s more like fucking groundhog day!’ I hear you scream from behind your screens and I have to admit that’s a sentiment that I hold myself but sometimes those massive grey clouds clear from across your minds-eye and you start to see things with a new perspective.
With this picture, the clouds only parted long enough for me to finish it before those ……… thoughts started to creep back in So much so that I was poised with a spray can hovering across this piece ready to deface it because I no longer felt the sentiment it suggested. It’s all swings and roundabouts I suppose…
Whether they be truck drivers, cleaners, retail workers, doctors, nurses, tech monkeys or in this case a naked winged celestial being there are angels amongst us during this most testing of times.
In fact, this divine messenger is not here to help as such but more to chastise all the idiots of the world. Just yesterday she had to head to Snowdonia to shame all the idiots who thought flouting the rules in rural North Wales would be a good idea. She also had to spend a bit of time flitting round the coast of the entire UK in order to deter people from congregating in groups, mainly by helping out the pirates of the sea (seagulls) steal peoples chips and generally make a raucous nuisance of themselves. A small but surprisingly effective method to encourage social distancing…