Here I have paraphrased Jean-Paul Satre because in his play Huis Clos, or No Exit, he doesn’t actually mean people are the absolute worst when one of the characters says “L’enfer, c’est les autres” but in this case that is exactly what I mean.
There I was going on my first excursion outside in about 5 days due to the fact that I have underlying conditions. The sun was out, the breeze whipping through my wispy geography teacher style hair (cheers lockdown!) when I noticed the first idiot coming for me.
It was a middle aged woman who for some unknown reason crossed the road and walked straight towards me. Not 2 metres in front or behind me but exactly to my location. Luckily for the lady, I didn’t have The Answerer with me, a hefty blackthorn staff blessed by the gods who just loves being used to beat the stupid out of people especially when they don’t adhere to scientific recommendations. Think Thor’s hammers Mjolnir or Stormbreaker but instead of the unworthy not being able to pick up the weapon, the unworthy get a knock upside their head in the hopes it might shake loose some intelligence….
It is A2 in size and made using pencil, watercolour, acrylic and spray paint
I’m sure we’ve all heard of the red mist? It is the feeling of extremeanger that temporarily clouds one’s judgment and can arise given a variety of conditions and depending on the individual.
Sometimes it’ll occur when some over-entitled male tries to mansplain something like the dark side of the Moon and how it is tidally locked to Earth when the woman is a world renowned astrophysicist with numerous awards and accolades under her belt on many far ranging subjects infinitely more complex than the simple geophysics this mouthbreather is attempting to explain.
Or perhaps simply encountering a mime. That would also do it.
I struck up a conversation the other day with a man who had more than a passing resemblance to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I have enough tact not to start a conversation with such a glaring statement but the similarities between them were uncanny with the same large red nose, massive teeth and incredibly long face. To tell you the truth it looked like one of the plastic joke ones given out for Comic Relief but, of course, I didn’t say that either. Instead I struck up a conversation about O’Neill cylinders in an attempt to bamboozle him, hopefully leading to a mild sense of confusion so that he would lower his defences and I could hopefully find out if he was actually somehow related to the famous reindeer.
I won’t bore you with the ensuing small talk but I did eventually find out that his name was Rosacea the red nosed human and he came to have such a big red nose due to a chance meeting he once had with a drunk fairy who thought it would be funny to make a human version of Rudolph. Over the years Rosacea hasn’t found it that amusing however…
Now i’m not really sure how you can be a captain of a pigment but then again I’m not entirely sure what’s going with the world nowadays, so I suppose I have to expect any and everything goes in this social media age.
In fact just looking through this guy’s social media feed it would seem he’s no captain at all but just someone who has a unhealthy fascination with cadmium in all forms. That said he seems to be more interested in the colours it can make instead of its use in mobile phone batteries.
He tried to get in to the game of mining cadmium but instead of trying the tried and tested techniques he decided that he would try and obtain as much as he could by smoking as much as he could. Now as we all know this is an incredibly dangerous idea but the captain is now the biggest and only dealer in cigarette obtained cadmium. I have to say i really don’t think this is a good business model at all but c’est la vie i suppose…
‘We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars’. You’ve got a love a good quote and I reckon this one from Oscar Wilde (from ‘Lady Windermere’s Fan’) really nails it. A nice sentiment expressed beautifully.
So naturally I decided to complement his quote with some frogs who have formed a frog ladder in order to facilitate reaching for the stars. Which brings to mind another famous quote from Isaac Newton ‘If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants’. So there you have it. Oscar Wilde and a frog ladder. Two quotes in one really.
They’re A2 and are £130 if anyone wants to give either a new home.
First up this week we’ve got ‘The Boy with the Red Face’ who is now on eBay (click link to follow to eBay)..
Well, well, look what we have here. It looks like someone has been caught doing something they shouldn’t by their mum. The red face and sullen eyes are an obvious giveaway but just look at those tears as well – that’s a sure fire sign if ever I saw one! The only thing I’m not sure about is what exactly this lad has done – but don’t worry, we can always make something up…
Hubert, for that is what we shall call him, was on his way to the shop to fetch some ciggies for his mother. When the proprietor turned his back Hubert decided to steal some Disney Princess ‘Princess Glamour’ Sticker Collection packs from the counter but Hubert wasn’t a skilled thief. Needless to say the owner caught him and promptly escorted him back home after leaving the shop in the hands of Mrs Clompton who had only just popped in for a pint of milk.
The story continues of course but i think you can fill out the rest of the story yourself and how he ended up like he is in the painting…
Title: The Boy with the Red Face
Materials: Acrylic, paint pen, spraypaint and glitter
I’ve got my hands on some wooden panels and since they’ve got 2 paintable sides I thought that I may as well go ahead and do just that and get some more double sided pieces on the go. Behold the first creation.
Side one features a new demotivational piece – ‘Make them smile’ and some snazzy colour fades.
Side 2 features a mysterious sphere floating serenely above some yellow and red flower like devices. What is it doing? Your guess is as good as mine…
What more could you want? It’s on a 60 x 40cm wooden board and is made using the magic of spraypaint, stencils and imagination. Drop us a line if interested.