Who here doesn’t like an idiom? We certainly do. We haven’t painted one for a while so have decided to rectify that with ‘Sleeping with the fishes’. It’s unclear what led Tony 2 Chains to end up in this position but it’s clear he’s been here a while as there appears to be an octopus living in his brain cavity. It must have been bad though as they appear to have stapled his lips together. Harsh.
I’m pretty sure everyone is down with ‘sleeping with the fishes’ but if you’re unfamiliar with the idiom it’s an old school gangster cliche which means to be killed and have one’s body disposed of in a sea or other body of water. Apparently the earliest recorded use was in 1833 but the phrase was popularised by the 1972 film The Godfather. Mario Puzo’s 1969 book on which the film was based doesn’t actually contain the phrase but there is reference to a large dead fish wrapped in a bulletproof vest to signify the same thing, although the phrase itself isn’t used. So now you know.
Callie was old. Very old. Although she didn’t look it and woe betide anyone who didn’t appreciate her fair skin and face. She was also a sea witch which, if you consult your big book of mythology, are powerful and capricious beings. Offending a sea witch by such means as refusing to pay her for her services, insulting her looks, or refusing to acknowledge her powers could end in disaster as she might choose to destroy an entire ship if she so wishes.
On the other hand though they can help people out just because they feel like it too. I guess that’s the nature of being capricious. Just a few weeks ago she’d been fooling around in the Irish Sea when she came across a lone jet-skier getting knocked about in the frigid and choppy water on a roundabout course for the Isle of Man. One quick divination later and she knew he was to become the Jet-Ski Romeo. It had never been in her nature to defy the course of true love so she decided to assist his crossing. And that’s the only reason he made it. Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
On A4 made using acrylic, oil pastel and paint pen. Drop us a line if you’re interested in giving her a new home
Dave (or ‘Panther’ to his friends) had never been accused of making good decisions. In fact his chequered past was littered with questionable decisions. But none quite so foolish as today’s rash move.
He’d decided to buy a jet ski and go and see his girlfriend, which, on the face of it, sounds pretty romantic. Love will find a way and all that. He lived in Scotland however whilst his heart’s desire lived on the Isle of Man. If you throw in the fact that the Irish Sea in winter time is not the most charitable place to be combined with the fact it’s 40km from Scotland and the fact that he’d never ridden a jet ski before you can begin to see the poor decisions branching off into infinity. Oh, and I forgot to say it’s the middle of a pandemic and the Isle of Man is sealed off, covid free and lusting to throw lawbreakers in prison – so Dave’s decision is looking poorer by the second.
Somehow he made it despite the journey taking almost 4 hours longer than he predicted and, assumably, him almost freezing to death. You’d think perhaps lying low at his girlfriend’s might be a good idea but no, it’s out clubbing for Dave and his betrothed. Perhaps predictably this was his face on being told he faced a prison sentence after the long arm of the law reached out for him the following day…
It is A3 in size and made using the magic of acrylic, pastel, paint pen and imagination. Drop us a line if you need Dave in your life…
Whether they be truck drivers, cleaners, retail workers, doctors, nurses, tech monkeys or in this case a naked winged celestial being there are angels amongst us during this most testing of times.
In fact, this divine messenger is not here to help as such but more to chastise all the idiots of the world. Just yesterday she had to head to Snowdonia to shame all the idiots who thought flouting the rules in rural North Wales would be a good idea. She also had to spend a bit of time flitting round the coast of the entire UK in order to deter people from congregating in groups, mainly by helping out the pirates of the sea (seagulls) steal peoples chips and generally make a raucous nuisance of themselves. A small but surprisingly effective method to encourage social distancing…
It’s funny how thing often come full circle. When I was a young whippersnapper I wrote a very short story about a seahorse called Cyril and his family. This was duly put away and then rediscovered in the attic many years later. Much hilarity ensued at my juvenile storytelling abilities but it got me thinking. What exactly would Cyril and his family be up to now?
In this piece we can see Cyril’s previously unnamed son, Marcus. He’s had a few holiday jobs growing up including an interesting stint at Blockbuster Video but now though he’s a seaman on a fake navy vessel called the Scubatuinne (“Wave sweeper”) that hosts parties for bored and very rich housewives. He mostly just serves champagne and hors d’oeuvres whilst the boat goes up and down whichever stretch of waterway that a customer has chosen for their few hours of ‘fun’.
He can’t say he’s particularly happy with his station but he’s hoping it’s a stepping stone. The job he’s really looking for is to one day be captain of his own vessel. Cyril and his mum would be so proud if he could manage that.
It is on a 1×1 m canvas and made using the magic of imagination, acrylic, spray paint, paint pen and glow in the dark resin. As Marcus works on an imaginary party boat I thought it only fair to add a little phosphorescent glow to the piece as a nod to the bioluminescence of the sea and the kind of party boat he works on. Drop us a line if you’re interested in giving Marcus a new home.
So here it is – our finished piece for Islexpo and Year of our Island. We went for a kind of vintage travel poster look in the end with some abstract land, sea and air (I had to get some stripes in there somehow!) and a mysterious looking lady presenting the magical kingdom of Mann to you. A great day all in and even the weather was playing ball. What more could you want?
With rain a distant memory and sunshine predicted it was time to get out of the house to get some painting done. A few calls later and we’re on our way up to Bethnal Green to do our thing on a wall next to Deep Sea car wash. It just so happened that I was painting a canvas which had a water based theme when we got this wall and so it felt like fate. We would do a bigger version along the same lines as the canvas. So far so good.
The wall was some old school brick that hadn’t seen a lick of paint in it’s entire life and was quite dusty so it was massively thirsty for paint but other than that it was pretty much plain sailing. Some appreciative local bobbies even popped by in their fancy interceptor car but once i’d given them the old ‘these aren’t the artists you’re looking for’ line they passed by without another word. Apparently they were called by a concerned member of the public who thought we were committing an act of criminal damage. As if! Cheeky tinkers.
Anyway we thought we’d celebrate diversity and the majesty of the female form in all it’s glorious variety with this one. So rather than a waif-like supermodel we’ve gone for a slightly larger boned lady with this one. She does, in fact, look a bit like an American tourist with her Hawaiian shirt on but rest assured she’s just trying to blend in whilst finding the secret of the oversized koi carp that are swimming around her. My favourite touch was the chain (which was already fixed to the wall for some unknown reason) and the anchor which we added after finding some suitable hook like things to hand the chain off. A big thanks to Dan and Nelly for help finding the wall.
“It was not a job he wanted but, somehow, it was a job he’d got. He was standing on a small pile of rocks with a light morning breeze ruffling his feathers and gazing out over the sea of carnage in front of him. A magpie standing nearby was nervously recounting the events of the previous evening. His words came in staccato gasps ‘The seagulls came in the dead of night and attacked en masse. Everyone was exhausted from the feast of McDonalds. A couple of rooks managed to raise the alarm but it was already too late…’. The words washed over him while he slowly came to the realisation that he was now in charge. Tears could wait. It was time to show these gulls who ruled the airspace around here once and for all.”
If I had to write a story based on this picture I’m pretty sure that’s how it would start. An epic tale of urban avian skullduggery with more aerial combat, vicious peckings and egg smashings than any story has a right to contain. All conducted right above our heads on the busy London streets. I think maybe I just got up too early this morning…
There I was aimlessly wandering the aisles of my local supermarket searching for an ingredient they undoubtedly didn’t have. I was feeling a little dispirited and glanced at the new wine description they’d put up for Blue Nun. Seeing the halfhearted description made me want to cry a little so I thought I’d see if I could jazz it up somewhat.
The previous description was ‘Popular wine from Germany with a citrusy tang and a hint of honey on the finish. Great with Asian noodles. Taste Guide 4.’ I think mine is a somewhat more honest appraisal of the wine’s true character. I’d like to think these will go unnoticed by the staff until some eagle eyed customer decides to spoil my fun and brings it to their attention. Only time will tell…
Sooo, we managed to ruffle some feathers with the original version of this which we did at Sun, Sea and Spray in Blackpool last year. It originally had the text ‘Taking the cure’ which refers to the Victorian pastime of ‘taking the cure’ – being to bathe in the sea for healing/medicinal purposes, which Blackpool used to be famous for. It’s even mentioned on their Wikipedia entry but the Man didn’’t see it that way. Apparently we were making a drugs reference and we needed to adapt it to something less contentious or have the whole thing buffed. Which is where our man on the spot, Chris Fenn and his trusty assistant Hannah Nickson came to our aid and very kindly agreed to modify it for us. So, above is our newly refinished piece complete with entirely inoffensive text. We definitely owe you both a pint or two. And here’s the much maligned original…
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