When the hot days get to much, what are the options? Climb into a freezer, book a one way ticket to the Antarctic, jump into a swimming pool or alternatively like this lady, do nothing and spontaneously combust.
For option one you would need a serial killer’s size freezer. For option two you would need to either stow away on a military plane or alternatively get a job at a science outpost. Option three is probably the most achievable but probably the one lacking the most danger. Option four seems the most out of the box solution and I’m not condoning her practises but i have to say she rolled with it amazingly and looked like she was enjoying herself immensely.
I’d consider putting her out but can already feel the heat from the flames. I figure she’ll either be okay or not. It’s probably just a special effect no?
Michael can’t really remember his mother as she left when he was young to become a trapeze artist for the travelling circus that had been visiting town. He can still remember her last words to him though which were ‘It will never be easy’ and he has taken those words and turned them in to a matra which he uses when things in his life are starting to go a little out of control. So now when things start to go wrong he calmly closes his eyes and repeats the mantra over and over again.
It’s not entirely clear how but it has apparently got him out of some pretty serious situations like when he was arrested for trying to swim the English Channel with only one flipper and a tin box full of aggressive fruit flies which just kept flying in to his eyes. Needless to say the Coast Guard was called as he had managed to cross into the shipping lanes which meant many boats were told to steer clear causing major havoc at ports throughout the EU. All in all that little escapade cost the British taxpayer something in the region of £4.7 million. And he never even got prosecuted. Made using the magic of imagination, acrylic, paint pen, watercolour, pastel and gold leaf on A4 paper.
Ever heard of ‘The Penge Society of Awkward Walkers’? Apparently they have an annual moseying competition where points are awarded for style, grace and speed. If I’m to believe the other half of id-iom he clinched it from the standing champion, a one Mr Fiac Cain, in this year’s final.
I used to do a bit of professional moseying myself back in the day and couldn’t really take this kind of thing lying down so set up a match with the other half and finangled Fiac Cain as referee. Two birds with one stone and all that. My winning mosey was a graceful mashup of my interpretation of a swan in flight and Natalie Imbruglia’s ‘Torn’. Nothing else came close.
As per the Ancient Rules of id-iom I demanded a piece of art showcasing how the loser felt for my prize. What I got in return was this piece titled ‘Memento Mori’. I’m interpreting the skull as his, not mine…
‘Memento Mori’ is A3 in size and made using imagination, a little resentment, acrylic paint and smoke from a magic candle. If you’d like to give it a new home just get in touch.
It’s a beautiful thing isn’t it? Hindsight that is. If only I knew then what I know now, things would have been very different.
Frankie here can be a bit of a nightmare – as i’ve just found out. In passing one day I mentioned that she may make an interesting subject to paint and since then she just keeps turning up at the studio and taking her clothes off. I asked repeatedly to stop doing it but she kept saying she wanted to be painted. There was only so much of her hanging around drinking all the tea and eating all the biscuits before I had to relent and paint her anyway.
Afterward I told her about a nearby life drawing class and she’s now become a full time life drawing model. At least she seems happy now and people dropping by the studio no longer wonder why a naked woman is hanging around…
She is on A4 and made with the magic of imagination, smoke, pencil and acrylic.
When Becky was little all she wanted to do was follow her father in the family business and become an award-winning pastry chef. He taught her all he knew but then puberty changed everything.
Amongst other changes her hands warmed up to such a degree that they could become smoking hot if she got at all excited. You can imagine what that meant for her pastry career. She could cremate a croissant before it could be wrapped. Now she can’t even work indoors for fears of health & safety claims against her for second-hand smoke.
What is the moral of this story I hear you ask. Well, that’s for me to know and you to find out. She’s A3 and made using the magic of the imagination, pencil, acrylic and smoke. Drop us a line if interested.
With a touch of the devil in her eyes, this lady is an inhuman force to be reckoned with. She can give just a side glance at any unsuspecting passerby and they will be under her spell, never seemingly to properly return to the land of the living ever again.
All they seem to be able to do with themselves is sing on the chorus to The Trammps 1976 hit ‘Disco Inferno’ on constant repeat. Now not that I dislike the song but when you’re walking around in your local neighbourhood going about your daily life it can get quite tiresome when nearly every passerby is belting it out at the top of their voice and it doesn’t help when they all sound like a gang of drunk cats about to jump in to a swimming pool. I may need to do something about all this…
To calm her down I offered her a drink which she excepted but to everyone’s dismay, she ordered a flaming Sambuca. No one was quite sure what she was going to do with it and we weren’t disappointed. She downed it in one and there in front of us the light orange glow of flames started to lick around her body once again. No one was quite sure but as she said her thanks she again started to strut down the street with smoke starting to billow around her, this was when I decided to take a mental picture so that I could try and paint her sometime in the next week.
There I was just last Friday having a few celebratory drinks in the pub due to the fact that another week had come to a close. When this woman comes sashaying past naked, literally on fire and without a care in the world. Now as I’m sure you’d agree this sent most of the patrons reeling, downing their pints and running off down the street. The more chivalrous of the group decided that instead of drinking their pints they would throw their drinks at the lady, thinking they were helping her out in some way but all that seemed to do was make the lady angry.