Recently my washing machine broke down so I had to use the local laundrette to wash my clothes. Never having used one before I wasn’t really sure what to expect but I’m certainly sure that what I did witness was not what you would call the norm.
When I walked in a couldn’t see a soul until I walked around the first bank of machines, to my surprise I caught this lady sitting on a washing machine writhing about, legs akimbo, whimpering to herself. My first thought was this was some reenactment of the famous scene from ‘When Harry met Sally’ but as I looked closer I could see the tail of some small rodent sticking out the bottom of her trouser leg. To say I was shocked would be an understatement, I dropped my washing and ran as fast as my legs could take me from the place and left her to deal with the situation herself. Now I know it’s not the most chivalrous response one could have but I just felt the fact that I was wearing shorts was enough of a reason to high tail it out of there in case it came at me with its pointed snout, small rounded ears and pink scaly tail. I certainly wasn’t going to be caught in this little fellas well thought out trap…
Toby was an avid internet troll who thought that the interweb was his playground, that was until the day he found out the internet had rules. Who would have thought it? Certainly not, Toby, that’s for sure as he is now hiding from the world due to the negative backlash he received for a number of his online transgressions.
What rule did he break I hear you ask? Sadly he broke more than just one and managed to get most of the interweb to hate him. Even countries like North Korea, Belarus, Iran, Syria and Turkmenistan have joined in teaching toby a thing or two about internet etiquette and they have little or no public internet to speak of.
He’s thinking of having the ones he broke most, tattooed down the sides of both his arms and legs so as to not forget them. It’s either that or not go on the internet anymore and that just doesn’t seem realistic as he is the CEO of a major tech company.
That said he is now looking in to selling all his stock of said tech firm and buying up land to start a marijuana farm in Patagonia due to his Welsh heritage. The internet really gave him both barrels and now he just wants a simple life
I’m sure we’ve all heard of the red mist? It is the feeling of extremeanger that temporarily clouds one’s judgment and can arise given a variety of conditions and depending on the individual.
Sometimes it’ll occur when some over-entitled male tries to mansplain something like the dark side of the Moon and how it is tidally locked to Earth when the woman is a world renowned astrophysicist with numerous awards and accolades under her belt on many far ranging subjects infinitely more complex than the simple geophysics this mouthbreather is attempting to explain.
Or perhaps simply encountering a mime. That would also do it.
Hmmm… What can I say about this picture that it doesn’t already say for itself. I could try and describe my motivation but fear it would probably end up sounding like something from Reader’s Wives. Oh well, perhaps the following will fly…
The phrase comes courtesy of an overheard conversation whilst on a bus. I couldn’t tell you who had such overt desire or towards whom it was directed but I just couldn’t get the phrase out of my head. To cut a long imaginary story short I had a dream that night where loads of hands were grabbing me, much like when Sarah falls down the oubliette in 1986 musical fantasy film ‘Labyrinth’, but of course in my dream, it wasn’t quite as PG.
After waking with the half-forgotten dream quickly evaporating from my mind I jumped on to the nearest canvas to try to reclaim some of my increasingly slippery thoughts. You may wonder why. But personally I’d like to think ‘Why not?’
It is on a 1×1 m canvas and made using the magic of imagination, acrylic, spray paint and charcoal.
HAVE YOU SEEN SANDRA’S CLOTHES? Sorry to shout but it is fairly imperative that she finds them fairly quickly. It all started innocently enough but now Sandra’s naked and covered in blue glitter and can’t find her dress. All I can say is that if someone offers to play Sapphire Snap with you then it’s best to know what you’re getting into when you agree…
I struck up a conversation the other day with a man who had more than a passing resemblance to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I have enough tact not to start a conversation with such a glaring statement but the similarities between them were uncanny with the same large red nose, massive teeth and incredibly long face. To tell you the truth it looked like one of the plastic joke ones given out for Comic Relief but, of course, I didn’t say that either. Instead I struck up a conversation about O’Neill cylinders in an attempt to bamboozle him, hopefully leading to a mild sense of confusion so that he would lower his defences and I could hopefully find out if he was actually somehow related to the famous reindeer.
I won’t bore you with the ensuing small talk but I did eventually find out that his name was Rosacea the red nosed human and he came to have such a big red nose due to a chance meeting he once had with a drunk fairy who thought it would be funny to make a human version of Rudolph. Over the years Rosacea hasn’t found it that amusing however…
You’re probably not going to believe me but Gregor here used to be a top influencer on Instagram for this stunning good looks and perfect quiff but things have begun to go downhill rather rapidly for him.
It all started innocently enough. Gregor was studiously going through his daily beauty regime and was plucking a rogue nostril hair when he caught his own eye in the mirror. Taken as he was with his own reflection he gave himself a cheeky wink and it all escalated from there. Now he only has time for his own reflection. He’s given up posting on Instagram but sits staring at himself for hours on end. He will occasionally smile or wink at himself while he whispers unintelligibly into the mirror. What will come of him I hear you ask? Well if you know anything of Greek mythology then you’ll know that the story of Narcissus doesn’t end well for the person concerned…
On A4 and made using Charcoal, pencil, paint pen and acrylic, drop us a line if interested.