We ride at dawn

Well good morning there! If you tuned in yesterday you’ll know we had the first part of a triptych featuring a lady escaping reality using the power of music.

Today we have the second part – ‘We ride at dawn’ – featuring someone else trying to escape the reality of the coronavirus. Rather than music however this gentleman has donned his historical war outifit, picked up his AR15 and then gone to protest (against a virus!) on the streets alongside hundreds of other like minded citizens. They are convinced it’s all ‘fake news’ and seem to be on the verge of taking the law into their own hands. Their motto is clear…

We’ve got to get through this somehow. I’m just not sure armed insurgency is really the way forward. 

Cheers

Id-iom

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Man in the mirror

Things have been getting a little weird since lockdown. The intense boredom and general anxiety mix together in some odd combinations. In order to combat this I thought a self-portrait may be in order. I was wrong. 

Looking at the paper in front of me I saw myself staring back or at least some facsimile of me – but things just weren’t quite right. The head too elongated, the nose too small but the dead, lifeless eyes I seemed to have got just right. 

Then I realised it wasn’t really me but that unflinching dolt High Risk Hugo. A stain on society if ever I saw one. A man who on his good days was more like Chuck Norris on flakka trying to chat up your girlfriend but on his bad days the social equivalent of someone slipping a dead slug in your mouth and holding it shut.

I’ll not be doing another selfie anytime soon. We don’t need to let that particular cat out of the bag…

Cheers

id-iom

Same same but different

‘No, it’s more like fucking groundhog day!’ I hear you scream from behind your screens and I have to admit that’s a sentiment that I hold myself but sometimes those massive grey clouds clear from across your minds-eye and you start to see things with a new perspective.

With this picture, the clouds only parted long enough for me to finish it before those ……… thoughts started to creep back in So much so that I was poised with a spray can hovering across this piece ready to deface it because I no longer felt the sentiment it suggested. It’s all swings and roundabouts I suppose…

Cheers

id-iom

Please do as you’re fu**ing told

Please do as you’re told. If I’ve said it before I’ll say it again. Well, actually I’ve never said it before so instead, I’ll go for ‘if it’s nice say it twice’. So, please do as you’re told.

You might think this has something to do with the current pandemic and you could be right with the pithy advice and colourful rainbow but don’t let that fool you – this is solid advice that can be applied in a countless number of potentially troublesome scenarios from pets and children to house guests and co-workers. Just remember words have power so you’ve got to use them carefully or they run out of juice…

It is 42 x 42 cm and made using Spraypaint, acrylic and paint pen. Drip us a line if you are interested in having this beauty at home… 

Cheers

id-iom

Angels amongst us

Whether they be truck drivers, cleaners, retail workers, doctors, nurses, tech monkeys or in this case a naked winged celestial being there are angels amongst us during this most testing of times.

In fact, this divine messenger is not here to help as such but more to chastise all the idiots of the world. Just yesterday she had to head to Snowdonia to shame all the idiots who thought flouting the rules in rural North Wales would be a good idea. She also had to spend a bit of time flitting round the coast of the entire UK in order to deter people from congregating in groups, mainly by helping out the pirates of the sea (seagulls) steal peoples chips and generally make a raucous nuisance of themselves. A small but surprisingly effective method to encourage social distancing…

Cheers

id-iom

Patient Zero

If we head back to December last year I was in Wuhan for secret reasons of my own when I had a chance to meet a gentleman we shall simply call ‘Simon’. Simon was a-coughing and a-spluttering and had a bit of a temperature and he put it down to the blood orange he’d had that morning. Thinking back now I’m pretty sure he was lying to me and was, in fact, patient zero and patently hadn’t just been eating oranges. He said he was just looking after the injured bat in his left hand…

Anyway, since I’ve had a few hours at home on my own I thought I’d put together this photofit. Over to you internet. You’ll have him worked out in no time…   

Cheers

id-iom

My corona

Bored of waiting for coronavirus to come to you? Well now you don’t have to. Corona have bowed to the inevitable and teamed up with the world renowned creators of Covid 19 to bring you this zesty and infectious small batch artisanal version of their classic brew. Great for 14 day mini breaks at home or abroad.

I’ve been trying to resist the obvious Corona label update but temptation finally got the better of me. C’mon ‘zesty notes which are enhanced by adding a wedge of lime.’ is just not going to cut it with today’s hyper paranoid world view where the beer Corona has somehow been inextricably linked to a global pandemic. So i’ve fixed that at least.

Cheers

id-iom

Corona virus world tour 2020

The news has a lot to answer for. Usually I’ll wake up with a random song playing in my mind. Yesterday however I woke up from a dream where I was tour manager for Covid 19 and was setting up their world tour alongside Corona Virus. Being the imaginary hard metal bands that they are we needed some appropriate imagery so rather than do anything constructive with my day I did a quick internet search to check no such frippery already existed then set to work designing their poster. 

Weirdly, it turns out that most world tour posters seem to have a dark background with white text but that was definitely the look Covid 19 would go for. Once I’d put the poster together I thought the Muse would be done with me but, no, it was time to move onto merch design. After slapping the various logos onto a t shirt template I was finally allowed to stop. And this is what we’re left with. Being an artist is weird. 

Cheers

id-iom

Self diagnosed Covid-19

Karen had never even been anywhere near China. The closest she’d come was the china Wedgewood plate set that had been given her by her aunt and she’d disinfected the whole set just to be sure as soon as the whole Coronavirus thing had started in China. She’d been fretting for days. She’d even made her son burn his entire collection of Wu Tang Clan music and memorabilia to be on the safe side because it sounds a bit like Wuhan. Yet, when she looked in the mirror she knew something wasn’t right. Despite all her precautions, it would appear she’d come down with something after all…

It is A2 in size and made using gouache, acrylic, oil pastel, googly eyes and a touch of imagination.

It will be up on our big cartel page soon…

Cheers

id-iom 

Skin and Bones

Sooooo, I’ve written a zombie book called Skin & Bones. I’ve yet to do anything with it other than give it to a few friends to read so thought I’d remedy that by attempting some feeble marketing for it and giving it a shameless plug here. This text would ideally be the back of the book blurb. If you’re at all interested then drop me a line. Here’s what the text says:

This morning you woke up feeling a little unwell. You have no appetite, your head is aching, your throat is sore and you think you might have a slight fever. You don’t know it yet, but the zombie virus has already been working away inside you for a week or so and has been busy attacking your immune system. It’s reached the stage where it’s really about make it’s presence known.

Exactly when and where you were infected is unclear as it can take anything between 21 and 30 days from initial infection to the first proper symptoms. What is more certain is that you are now infectious yourself and have been for a while. Your family, friends and anyone else in close contact with you are all in mortal danger.

The next couple of days will determine if you are one of the lucky few who has some natural resistance and will, at least, survive the infection stage or not. In the highly probable event that you have no resistance then, at some time between 3 and 4 weeks after infection, you can expect the whites of your eyes to turn red, your vomit and diarrhoea will now be charged with infected blood and large blood blisters develop under your skin. You are now at the peak of infectiousness as the virus particles, eager to find their next victim, replicate swiftly inside your body.

What comes next is straight out of a movie. Your brain heats up and you become more aggressive as your mental faculties begin to deteriorate. At some point you’ll become unconscious and then the next time you open your eyes you will no longer be in control of yourself. You are now constantly hungry for human flesh and have the overriding urge to bite someone. Satisfying your cravings is now all your limited intellect can cope with. Congratulations, you are now a zombie.

Calling you a zombie would probably suffice in a pinch but isn’t quite correct however and the term ‘living dead’ would probably seem a better fit. But you won’t care. The virus has made permanent changes. From the second you were infected the grave is your only and eventual way out. At least by that point you’ll have no knowledge of what you’re doing. Just following some of the baser human instincts that have been modified and enhanced. Your end is nigh. Along with just about everybody else’s…

Cheers

id-iom