I’m not sure if i’ve ever suffered an existential crisis on the level that this man is currently having to deal with. Sure, I’ve had some strange notions from time to time but this guy’s desperation at his inability to tell his lovely lady that they aren’t really lovers and are, in fact, just stencils is somewhat heartbreaking. Life can be tough, can’t it?
It’s a very different experience painting outside in winter compared to summer. It’s freezing cold, wet and windy and you have to finish by 4pm as it’s pitch black.
No sooner had we got our stencil up and begun applying the very expensive UV reactive white paint to the boards that the rain sweeps in and washes it all straight off. What fun.
Our idea was to paint the boards up so they’d look good in normal light but would really kick when you put UV light on them. Despite the inclement conditions we eventually prevailed. Albeit a day later than planned…
We’ve all heard the phrase ‘That ship has sailed’ well for this lady it undoubtedly has. She is pining for those halcyon days when her life was so much easier and straightforward. When her life wasn’t the mad dash that she lives through today, when she didn’t have to juggle everything in her life at the exact same time. Nowadays there isn’t even time to take a break.
The trouble is just last week she lost her Nokia 8110 which she treasured with all her heart. It’s sleek lines, it’s futuristic ‘slider’ form factor. After so many careful years she ended up leaving on the night bus whilst drunk, which she firmly blames on that chatty and well groomed guy she was trying to impress on the way home. Now though she has nothing. The man has gone home and now she is stuck in one of the lower levels of hell with her sister’s old iphone 4 with cracks on the screen.
People keep calling, texting, sexting, emailing, snapchatting, twittering, facebooking and instagramming. The fitness tracker keeps telling her to do more, the music app keeps telling her to download more stuff. It’s relentless and is all getting a bit too much. She’d love that phone back. Maybe eBay can help…
Title: Daily Lament
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, ink, charcoal and Tipp Ex
I’m in two minds over this pic. I can’t decide whether she looks like she’s been on the disco biscuits all night and is gurning like a donkey sucking a rolo or whether she has been having a little too much fun with some kind of intimate solo pursuit. Either way ecstasy figures in her immediate future in one way or another. Probably best just to leave her to it.
For no better reason than we can this was reimagined from actual news headlines. I fill my head with this grubby nonsense so you don’t have to. Vive la revolution!
Title: Ecstasy and me
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic and charcoal
Surely this headline must be American? We don’t use coed over here do we? Anyway I’m not sure why this girl needs to advertise for such things but who am I to stand in the way of important research? I’ll volunteer to do my bit. All she really has to do is flash those eyes and she’d get pretty much the same result.
Like the rest of this sordid little lot these pictures have been reimagined from actual news headlines. I fill my head with this grubby nonsense so you don’t have to. Vive la revolution!
Title: Coed seeks lovers for sex survey
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, and charcoal
I think ‘Friend Zone’ should have some accompanying theme music. I imagine it would be some kind of weird 70’s disco affair but perhaps that’s just me. The lady in this piece was going to be used in a commission but (doh!) I didn’t read the brief properly and soon realised that it wouldn’t work.
That doesn’t mean she had to go to waste though. All it would take is a little love and attention and she would be good to go for something a little different. So i decided to change the sentiment from the commission piece and mix it up a little. The commission was to do with the moments before coupling whereas this piece shows the ramifications of what can happen after the deed is done. Unlucky pal, you’ve just been relegated to the Friend Zone…
Title: The Friend Zone
Media: Acrylic, charcoal and Tipp-Ex.
Size: 50 x 31cm
The phrase ‘I should coco’ originated in the 1930’s and means something along the lines of ‘I should think so’. The question in my mind is why this lovely lady is thinking just that. Has someone just made her a surprising offer that she just can’t turn down? I’d like to think so.
She looks a bit like she’s just stepped out of a 70’s sitcom so I’m thinking someone has just made her a bawdy (and probably somewhat sexist) offer and her response is ‘I should coco’ followed by peals of canned laughter. Well, that’s what I think and i’m sticking with it…
Title: I should coco
Materials: Acrylic, paint pen, glitter and charcoal
It is said that if you gaze at the sunset and squint just so you can see Mount Olympus – home to the entire pantheon of Greek gods. Trying to achieve this so called ‘Golden Squint’ has led many a scholar to his doom but this lady seems to have nailed it without really trying. I wonder what she can see up there?
Title: The Golden Squint
Media: Pencil, gold leaf, pastel and acrylic