Hexabeard 5000

The Hexabeard 5000 experimental beard serum had some side effects…

Lining up the painted beam with his head proved trickier than anticipated…

Sometimes when you take an experimental beard serum weird things are going to happen. Gary here used to have a scraggly teenager’s bumfluff beard at the ripe old age of 32 and he wasn’t a happy chap. He had long yearned for a thick luscious hipster’s beard like his best friend Fitz and intended, somehow, to get one. He’d tried all sorts of so called remedies – from rubbing his face with peanut butter to shaving every 20 minutes in an attempt to force growth, all to no avail. His prayers would be answered soon enough however.

In desperation, after a late night’s internetting, he clicked on a link to a somewhat shady company that sold research chemicals and promptly parted with a week’s wages for a course of the unproven and experimental Hexabeard 5000. With the instructions being in Chinese he did the best he could when his package arrived and did all the pills over the course of a week. The following Monday new growth could definitely be seen and within a few days he had a full beard. He was over the moon. Then the coloured hexagons started appearing, web-like growth would materialise overnight and his eyes started to change.

At first he was scared but it quickly made him the coolest hipster in town. Unfortunately this was only for about 2 weeks until a 7 year old with a 2ft long bushy beard came along and blew all the competition away. The moral of the story? Well, like life you’ll just have to work it out for yourself…

Cheers

id-iom

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Nomina Stultorum Parietibus Haerent

Here at id-iom we are generally unashamedly low brow but that doesn’t mean we don’t like to mix it up every once in a while and fire something a little more pretentious and contrived your way just ‘cos we can. There I was reading an article about the Roman city of Pompeii when inspiration struck. As i’m sure we’re all aware Pompeii was destroyed during the eruption of the nearby Mount Vesuvius in 79AD. Apart from the bits that were destroyed there was a blanket of volcanic ash a few metres deep which covered the entire town and preserved it for future generations to discover.

In amongst the more grisly discoveries there was a lot of graffiti found on the walls which shed some light on the day to day goings on in ancient Pompeii and the musings of the common man – and that was enough for the seed of an idea to germinate. I’m not expecting South London to get hit by a giant volcano any time soon however so who knows how long our graffiti will last?

Anyway, what does it all mean? I could just give you translation but in this day and age it’s only a google search away so I’m afraid you’ll have to do it yourself if you’re at all interested. Howzat for interactive street art?

Cheers

id-iom

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Pale Delusions

Pale Delusions

Pale Delusions

Not much can be said about the phenomenon of Pale Delusions. In fact nothing at all has ever been said about the subject or at least any that i can find and that’s why it’s such a tricky subject to bring up. The lady in this picture has been diagnosed by Doctor Asmund Quayle a very highly decorated charlatan with actute pale delusions which he said would need an aggressive medication treatment if she is in for any hope at fixing this problem. I told Asmund this seemed a little drastic but he told me quite resolutely to keep my mouth shut and gave me the old adage’ Do as i say, not as i do’. So i murmmered ok and carried on drawing the lady in question for Asmund’s file, i’m not quite sure the point of all this was though as i didn’t think you kept paintings in doctors files. oh well!!

Cheers

id-iom

Title: Pale Delusions
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, ink, charcoal, Tipp Ex, silver leaf and spray paint
Size: A2

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Brookie!

Brookie! Staffy’s seem to have gained something of a bad reputation but if you ever met Brooke then I’m sure you realised that was an ill gained notoriety. In fact just about all staffy’s I’ve come across have been lovely pups but Brooke was perhaps the best envoy for a somewhat maligned breed.

I always remember the time I was sat outside the pub with Brooke just minding her own business beside me. Some big guy came walking along the street and Brooke went over towards them to say hello. Next thing I hear ‘hey mate keep your dog away from me’ in a voice somewhere between fear and anger. I had to laugh, not only because he was a big baby and Brooke only wanted to give him a sniff and, if he was lucky, to sit on his feet as she loved to do but also because Brooke certainly didn’t belong to me. She only ever had eyes for her human mum. My cat doesn’t like dogs and didn’t make any exception for Brooke. But she probably should have done.

Anyway we did our best to make our little tribute as realistic looking to Brooke as we could achieve and I have to say it’s a lot more difficult to make a piece look like a particular dog than I would have thought. But there you have it. We did our best. Sleep well princess.

Love

id-iom

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If the wind changes your face will stay like that!

If the wind changes your face will stay like that!

If the wind changes your face will stay like that!

I’m sure you must of been told this little nugget of information by your parents when you were younger, most probably whilst you were on long car journeys with nothing else to do apart from bickering with you siblings or sticking your head out of the window and letting the wind do its magic.

Sadly this fella had never heard this dire warning and I think we all know what happens next. There he was pulling a funny grimace when the wind whipped up ominously and then changed direction. He was too far away for me to warn him of his impending fate and by the time I’d reached him his face had already stuck in that position. There was little else I could do at that point apart from pat him on the back and wish him the best of luck.

Cheers

id-iom

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Screaming Toenail Volcano

Screaming Toenail Volcano

Before we start I have to admit that the most impressive part of this wall, namely the ‘screaming toenail’ section was done by persons unknown. I did however use this as inspiration to complete the wall next to it and incorporated their ‘volcano’ text into my piece which consisted of a disembodied floating head smoking a volcano cigarette. Make of it what you will. I kept to the same colour range as the other wall and so went with just black and red on the white of the wall. A bold colour scheme for sure so a little nod of thanks to the unknown artist is in order. This one’s for you…

Cheers

id-iom

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Rock on!

Rock on!

Sometimes when you have a blank wall to work with the muse deserts you and you’re stood there scratching your head wondering what to do. And then sometimes inspiration strikes and you’ve just got to turn up the heavy metal and let rip with your inner thrasher and some black paint. Today was clearly one of those days.

The lady in the picture clearly seems to be enjoying herself as she’s pulling the classic ‘rock fingers’ move and, if you look closely, has what appears to be an E on her tongue. Although I’m pretty sure it’s made out of paint. I’m thinking she was getting down to the tunes and then slipped it in her mouth at an opportune moment when my back was turned. At least she seems to be enjoying herself. Live and let live, that’s what I say…

Cheers

id-iom

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