How can I tell her?

I’m not sure if i’ve ever suffered an existential crisis on the level that this man is currently having to deal with. Sure, I’ve had some strange notions from time to time but this guy’s desperation at his inability to tell his lovely lady that they aren’t really lovers and are, in fact, just stencils is somewhat heartbreaking. Life can be tough, can’t it?

It’s a very different experience painting outside in winter compared to summer. It’s freezing cold, wet and windy and you have to finish by 4pm as it’s pitch black.

No sooner had we got our stencil up and begun applying the very expensive UV reactive white paint to the boards that the rain sweeps in and washes it all straight off. What fun.

Our idea was to paint the boards up so they’d look good in normal light but would really kick when you put UV light on them. Despite the inclement conditions we eventually prevailed. Albeit a day later than planned…

Cheers

id-iom

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Filed under art, Commissions, funny, Graffiti, Painting, stencil

Daily Lament

Today on eBay is ‘Daily Lament’. Click the link below to check it on eBay:

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/392190193045

We’ve all heard the phrase ‘That ship has sailed’ well for this lady it undoubtedly has. She is pining for those halcyon days when her life was so much easier and straightforward. When her life wasn’t the mad dash that she lives through today, when she didn’t have to juggle everything in her life at the exact same time. Nowadays there isn’t even time to take a break.

The trouble is just last week she lost her Nokia 8110 which she treasured with all her heart. It’s sleek lines, it’s futuristic ‘slider’ form factor. After so many careful years she ended up leaving on the night bus whilst drunk, which she firmly blames on that chatty and well groomed guy she was trying to impress on the way home. Now though she has nothing. The man has gone home and now she is stuck in one of the lower levels of hell with her sister’s old iphone 4 with cracks on the screen.

People keep calling, texting, sexting, emailing, snapchatting, twittering, facebooking and instagramming. The fitness tracker keeps telling her to do more, the music app keeps telling her to download more stuff. It’s relentless and is all getting a bit too much. She’d love that phone back. Maybe eBay can help…

Cheers

id-iom

Title: Daily Lament
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, ink, charcoal and Tipp Ex
Size: A4

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Filed under art, Demolition Sale!, Painting, products

Ladyfinger Cloud Pump

Today on eBay is ‘Ladyfinger Cloud Pump’. Click the link below to check it on eBay:

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/392190192297

I know the title sounds like a 70’s prog rock band or some dodgy porno but it’s not. It came to me in a dream where the Ladyfinger Cloud Pump is actually the newest and most revolutionary invention created by renowned British designer James Dyson. We’d been the best of friends for years and he was excited about his invention but didn’t reveal to me exactly what the device actually does.

After the name leaked media speculation as to the nature of the device was rife. I was given the task of coming up with some misleading marketing material to further muddy the waters and upon waking decided to fulfil my dream commission anyway. According to my dream the device will be available later this year so watch this space…

Cheers

id-iom

Title: Ladyfinger Cloud pump
Materials: Acrylic, ink, paint pen and spray paint
Size: A4

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Filed under art, Demolition Sale!, fake ad, funny, Painting, products

Ecstasy and me

Today on eBay we’ve got ‘Ecstasy and me’. You can check it on the link below:

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/392190192043

I’m in two minds over this pic. I can’t decide whether she looks like she’s been on the disco biscuits all night and is gurning like a donkey sucking a rolo or whether she has been having a little too much fun with some kind of intimate solo pursuit. Either way ecstasy figures in her immediate future in one way or another. Probably best just to leave her to it.

For no better reason than we can this was reimagined from actual news headlines. I fill my head with this grubby nonsense so you don’t have to. Vive la revolution!

Cheers

id-iom

Title: Ecstasy and me
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic and charcoal
Size: A4

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Filed under art, Demolition Sale!, funny, Painting, products

Down boy!

Today on eBay is ‘Down boy!’. Click the link below to check it on eBay:

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/392190191815

I was reading something about the artist Jeff Koons and the fact that his piece ‘Balloon dog (orange)’ sold for a world record auction price for a piece of work by a living artist in November 2013. It sold for a staggering $58.4 million. Art critics are apparently divided over whether he’s due to be historically important or whether his works are crass and kitsch and are the product of cynical self-marketing.

Personally I love shiny stuff and I also love things that are comically out of proportion so the massive shiny metal balloon dogs are something that really appeal to me. Although whether I’d pay the best part of $60 million for one (even if I had it) remains to be seen. Anyway, all that may seem beside the point but now here’s the segue back to today’s piece. I recently had a very strange dream which I think was influenced by the article on Koons that I had read. It made little sense – as dreams are wont to do but one residing image I had of that dream is pretty much what you see before you. A man staring quizzically at the large and shiny Koons balloon dog that he has on a piece of string. I’d like to think it some kind of sub-conscious commentary on art as a commodity but I’m pretty sure I’m far too shallow for that. So there you have it. Take from that what you will…

Oh, and it’s all done on some fancy handmade rag paper which is slightly more absorbent that I thought it would be but I guess you live and learn.

Cheers

id-iom

Title: Down boy!
Media: Spraypaint, stencils and imagination.
Size: 30 x 60cm

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Filed under art, Demolition Sale!, funny, Painting, products, stencil

Well handy

First up this week on eBay is ‘Well handy’. Click the link below to check it on eBay:

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/392190192644

In the great British tradition of sarcasm this one is dedicated to all the people out there who are about as much use as a concrete trampoline. So there I was in the studio when I found myself at the top of a ladder and in need of a bit of assistance. It just so happened that a couple of people were visiting at the time to check out a couple of our new pieces and have a beer. Anyway due to my precarious position I didn’t bother to turn round when I asked for help as I just thought one of them would hear and come to my aid. No joy.

After a further 30 seconds of struggling I could still hear them behind me so I shouted for help this time but still to no avail. After finally downing tools and climbing down I swung round to give these layabouts a piece of my mind when I realised they had headphones on and chatting happily whilst playing Call of Duty. Nice one. Cheers for the assist there…

Cheers

id-iom

Title: Well Handy
Materials: Watercolour pencil, ink, paint pen and pastel
Size: A4

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Filed under art, Demolition Sale!, funny, mixed media, Painting, products

Mickey or a ringie?

Today’s eBay piece is ‘Mickey or a ringie?’. Click on the link below to check it on eBay:

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/392185026863

In the Isle of Man there is something of a superstition whereby Manx people can’t say the name of one of those little furry things that were blamed for the Black Death, pestilence in general and a whole host of other nefarious things. The reasons for this have dissipated into the mists of time but the superstition remains and due to this quirk in Manx folklore there are a number of socially acceptable local alternatives which include joey, longtail, ringie, iron fella and roddan.

Recently young people have also begun saying ‘r-a-t’ owing to the influence of English immigrants but older people on the Isle of Man don’t tend to listen to those Jonny come-overs too much and certainly not on such serious subjects as these little buggers. There is a comparable taboo against uttering the word ‘rabbit’ on the Isle of Portland. Here ends the lesson.

Cheers

id-iom

Title: Mickey or a ringie?
Size: A2
Media: Acrylic and paint pen

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Filed under art, Demolition Sale!, funny, Graffiti, Painting, products