‘When I’m feeling blue, all I have to do, is take a look at you, then I’m not so blue’ sang Phil Collins on his 1988 track ‘A groovy kind of love’. It would seem this girl hasn’t seen Phil in quite some time then. Given the somewhat derelict location where we deposited her it may be some time yet before she claps eyes on the great man.
As an aside I dearly hope putting those lyrics above has started an earworm for you. I know it has for me…
Karen has always had a squiffy eye and doctors have told her that she can have surgery to have it corrected if she wants but she’s never wanted to have it done and never will. She likes the fact that people find it off-putting and when talking to her just don’t know which way to look. Karen also has a knack to roll her bad eye into the back of her head to really hit it home.
Through the years people have called her many names due to her affliction but one that has stuck because Karen liked it herself was ‘Ambly’. Karen also has a skill which is a direct cause of her wonky eye: she can tell if anything is squiffy even by the slightest degree with just a quick glance. Due to this many business sectors hold Karen in great demand for her unusual abilities. From the scientists at CERN to the builders of the worlds largest skyscrapers, to Tony from down Karen’s local pub who always asks her to see if he’s squiffy but Karen is always to polite to give him an answer. In all fairness everyone at the pub already knows the answer to that one…
To calm her down I offered her a drink which she excepted but to everyone’s dismay, she ordered a flaming Sambuca. No one was quite sure what she was going to do with it and we weren’t disappointed. She downed it in one and there in front of us the light orange glow of flames started to lick around her body once again. No one was quite sure but as she said her thanks she again started to strut down the street with smoke starting to billow around her, this was when I decided to take a mental picture so that I could try and paint her sometime in the next week.
There I was just last Friday having a few celebratory drinks in the pub due to the fact that another week had come to a close. When this woman comes sashaying past naked, literally on fire and without a care in the world. Now as I’m sure you’d agree this sent most of the patrons reeling, downing their pints and running off down the street. The more chivalrous of the group decided that instead of drinking their pints they would throw their drinks at the lady, thinking they were helping her out in some way but all that seemed to do was make the lady angry.
So how do we start a write up about lady Cheltenham? Maybe its best to explain our monumental balls up that started it all.
There we were during the week looking at the weather forecast and lo and behold it forecast rain for the Saturday. This year our design consisted of quite a bit of emulsion so we thought it best to get an early start so that it wouldn’t run in the rain. So with as much preparation as we could muster we headed down on Friday to get an early start which we did with an ease that id-iom is known for.
When we got to the Frog and Fiddle is when the problems started. The wall that looked like the one we were painting hadn’t been painted white like the rest and it seemed a little wider than what we were expecting, so we asked the bar staff who pointed at another wall which we took for consent to paint. In hindsight this was probably not the best idea.
Lets move forward to Saturday lunchtime when we finally dragged ourselves out of bed after a few too many drinks the night before we set off back to the frog and fiddle to finish our piece but i think you can already guess we had painted the wrong wall. With a few expletives thrown about for our stupidity we set about trying to get the new wall finished before either the rain stopped play or the after party started.
Anyway what we have for our troubles is Lady Chelts
Thanks to Andy and Angela for once again putting on a wonderful festival. Onwards and upwards guys!!
Sally here is an old fashioned girl and she believes the new generation of so called ‘millenials’ are just not making mayhem like they used to. In her youth Sally would think nothing of stripping off and having a water fight in the garden with her flatmates. These days that would either get you arrested or make you an unintentional viral star within a matter of minutes. That’s all I’ve got for today.
As seems to be the case I couldn’t decide whether I was looking for a more minimal black and white version or something with a bit more colour so decided to do both. I now know which I prefer but is there a consensus on which is preferable? There’s bonus points on offer if you can tell me where the original image was appropriated from…
One day Felicity Flamur was sat on a park bench eating her lunch and minding her own business when she managed to eat a radioactive cress seed in her egg and cress sandwich. The next morning she looked in the mirror and realised she had shrubbery for hair and had acquired some plant based superpowers. She should probably have just sued Tesco and moved on with her life but instead she now fights injustice wheresoever she may find it. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find her… maybe you can hire Cress Head.
Imagine the scene with me in the back garden in my speedos trying to grab a few of those sun’s precious rays. Of course as you can imagine i was mildly minding my own business but i have to admit it was incredibly difficult with what can be only described as a extremely loud wailing noise coming from the next garden. At first i thought it might be a pole cat and a mongoose making sweet sweet inter species love, then i thought it could be a jet engine starting up but i just didn’t think the neighbours were that proficient at engineering, then i thought it could be a cartload of howlwer monkeys having a business meeting but that just didn’t ring true either. So putting on my neighbourhood watch waistcoat i decided to investigate. Peeking over the fence i noticed a lone lady sat on a sun lounger crying all by herself. How could such a thing make such an incredible noise i thought to myself whilst trying to get her attention. Eventually i did manage to grab her attention but that was only after i had thrown a bit of my beer at her. Startled she looked around at me but just kept on crying. I tried to console her from over the garden fence but to no avail so i did the only thing i could do, i went and grabbed my watercolours and set about painting her. After i had finished i threw the picture to her side of the garden where she didn’t even look at it but just carried on weeping to herself. Anyway after that i got bored, left the house and went down the pub. She was still wailing when i left and i’m still not sure why.