Imagine the scene with me in the back garden in my speedos trying to grab a few of those sun’s precious rays. Of course as you can imagine i was mildly minding my own business but i have to admit it was incredibly difficult with what can be only described as a extremely loud wailing noise coming from the next garden. At first i thought it might be a pole cat and a mongoose making sweet sweet inter species love, then i thought it could be a jet engine starting up but i just didn’t think the neighbours were that proficient at engineering, then i thought it could be a cartload of howlwer monkeys having a business meeting but that just didn’t ring true either. So putting on my neighbourhood watch waistcoat i decided to investigate. Peeking over the fence i noticed a lone lady sat on a sun lounger crying all by herself. How could such a thing make such an incredible noise i thought to myself whilst trying to get her attention. Eventually i did manage to grab her attention but that was only after i had thrown a bit of my beer at her. Startled she looked around at me but just kept on crying. I tried to console her from over the garden fence but to no avail so i did the only thing i could do, i went and grabbed my watercolours and set about painting her. After i had finished i threw the picture to her side of the garden where she didn’t even look at it but just carried on weeping to herself. Anyway after that i got bored, left the house and went down the pub. She was still wailing when i left and i’m still not sure why.
Filed under art, Painting
The lady in this picture is what most people would call stand-offish or aloof and that is because she is. She just loves to look down on everyone and not just in a figurative sense but a literal sense as well.
When talking to her she looks down at you from a high angle due to her Amazonian height (and heels) but more importantly the sharp angle at which she keeps her head in relation to whoever she is talking to. She likes to think it creates the illusion of looking down at a miniature model just like in tilt shift photography.
To get the angle I wanted for this portrait I had to use every trick in my arsenal and resorted to painting her whilst balancing precariously at the top of the tallest ladder I could lay my hands on…
We here at id-iom seem to like Ramesses II or Ozymandias as the Greeks called him as this is our second picture based on one of the greatest pharaohs of the Egyptian Empire. This time I feel I should use the now famous words of Percy Shelley to describe the king of kings:
I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
As a side note he lived till around the age of 90/91, most men don’t live that long nowadays and this was 1213 BC. Maybe there is hope for me then…
I think the most challenging thing about this picture is the use of the words ‘bell sniffs’. It’s a grand combination of words and you’ll have no apology from us for using it. If you care to listen closely you can hear them pontificating on Twitter and Facebook from here. The internet really has become a new home for them. That said i haven’t found many of them on Instagram but maybe that’s because they don’t like the idea of their photos being classed as art by some lay person when they were actually trying to prove otherwise. It’s a complicated world out there. Stay safe!!
What would you do if you woke every morning in the woods near your house rather than your bed? I think I’d probably be a little concerned.
Carol here was so worried about this turn of events that she set up some cameras around her house to see exactly what was transpiring at night. To absolutely no ones surprise it turned out Carol is a sleepwalker or somnambulist. I think more concerning is that Carol still sleeps naked. She should probably do something about that…
This man will only lay down a wager when his cat ‘Lady Luck’ tells him the conditions are good for him to do so and for the most part they’ve both come up trumps. In fact all the cat has to do is whisper ‘let it ride’ into his ear (whilst disguising such commands as an otherwise normal sounding feline ‘meow’ to any nearby human) and slim Jim here will drop everything he’s got on whatever bet is in front of him. If that’s not a strange system then I don’t know what is.
She’s on A4 and made using Pencil, paint pen, watercolour and acrylic.
Here at id-iom we like to keep ourselves busy and work under the concept of ‘create or die’. To this end we like to bully ourselves into posting most days. After flicking through some photo’s I decided that this little beast would be today’s contender. I just needed to add a little something extra. Now, where did I leave this particular fella…
Cue an hour of so of ferreting around in various dark corners to no avail. As I scratched my head in bewilderment the answer suddenly came to me. I had already painted over it. So don’t drop us a line if interested as this lives now only in digital form. He lives now only in our memory…